My DS Beginning

I really don't know if this 1st entry should be general or will it actually end up being venting in the end.  I guess I want to just write what I'm feeling now and then sum up everything that has basically brought me to this point.  It's a new year and I'm trying really hard to have more of a backbone when it comes to issues I might or might not have.  I also want to try really hard and not really care about what other people think or say about me and not try to please everybody especially since I don't know how to be selfish or take care of me first.  I told myself last year that it was going to be about me and what I wanted, but it just didn't go that way.  I need to find peace within myself about my mother and what I should do about the situation because she seems "content" about not doing anything to help herself and get better.  I'm not content nor satisfied about the relationship with my little boy (little man now) because I feel like she continuously tries to take my attention away from him.  It's not even like I have to figure out what needs to be done necessarily, some things I do, but for the most part I know what I want for my life and my goal is essentially to learn how to take care of ME and make ME happy for once in my life.