My dream...
I had another nightmare last night. A new one. I was at school with some friends and suddenly my cousin appears. Suddenly everyone starts punching me and kicking me I got away and I ended up at my house. My cousin was there too. I said, " why are you following me, you've already have taken everything away from me! Stop torturing me."
He laughed for a long time. Then he said thoughs famous words, " I'm here to kill you."
I said " good! Do it! Kill me!"
He knocked me out. I woke up with him on top of me, raping me. I tried to scream but I had no voice. He laughed. The whole time he just laughed. I remember bleeding and bleeding. The pain. I'm my own dream I tried to wake up but I couldn't. I was stuck in the dream. I finally woke up, paralyzed. I couldn't move, could speak. I wanted to die. What if my cousin comes back? What if he finds me again?
He laughed for a long time. Then he said thoughs famous words, " I'm here to kill you."
I said " good! Do it! Kill me!"
He knocked me out. I woke up with him on top of me, raping me. I tried to scream but I had no voice. He laughed. The whole time he just laughed. I remember bleeding and bleeding. The pain. I'm my own dream I tried to wake up but I couldn't. I was stuck in the dream. I finally woke up, paralyzed. I couldn't move, could speak. I wanted to die. What if my cousin comes back? What if he finds me again?
Replies
This is just my first reaction and surely I have been wrong. But my first instinct is to talk to Ella. If Ella doesn\'t know the dream in detail tell it to her. She is there to protect you and be strong for you. I know she has said that she wants you to stop embracing the thoughts of death. More than Bailey would die. Brookie and Kevin would die. Anyway I would go though the dream again in my head and let Ella out to deal with this cousin fucker of yours. I would let Ella do whatever she freaking wants to do to this guy. Then live the dream over and over again with Ella right there protecting you. Get it so clear that your cousin does not win, Ella does. It would require that you trust her maybe more than you have before. But I\'ve talked to Ella and she\'s good and strong. Let her protect you. Every time you have a nightmare, you re-write the story where Ella saves you. Then you go home to a beautiful, safe home where you are a kind mom who wants to live and take care of Brookie, Rose and Kevin. You can do this. Heal.