My depression
I met with my doctor today regarding my depression and she made me promise that the next time I start thinking of suicide I will go to the hospital. Problem I have is that so far she is the only one that knows that I have been thinking about it. I am afraid to tell anyone else that I have been thinking about it. I have to go for therapy. My Zoloft dosage has been increased, hoping it will help. Also can't take my meds at night. She said they are a stimulent, however occasionally, they have an adverse affect on some people. I maybe one of those people.
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I am so glad that you are sharing with us what you are feeling. I have been there myself...and only told my therapist. I had it all planned out and was ready to go until I thought about my children and the suffering that I would put them through...couldnt do it. So I did go into the hospital and I highly recommend it. Especially if it is just a day program. They are the best I have found. I dont know if you have them there...but they truly helped save my life and you would be surprised at the others you would meet in there. I made friends...found I had so much in common with them...and didnt feel alone anymore. It was so worth it. I highly encourage you to consider a day program too. I really think it would help more then you can imagine.
I am also glad that your Zoloft has been increased. I also hope that your doctor is a psychiatrist rather then a family doctor. Not that you family doctor doesnt mean well...but when we are at this point, we need a psychiatrist because medications are key to help you. They know what works best and are much more aggressive with medications which I wonder if you may not need.
Just remember...I am here to help and any questions you may have regarding meds or a day program, please dont hesitate to message me. I am happy to help!
Hugsss Sandy