my daughter

  hi i am new to this but need a place to freely express my feeling without worrying about being strong for everyone else. I am 38 years old wih a great husband and 3 kids-Suzette 18 yrs old  Stephen 15 yrs old, and David 9 yrs old. On Jan 30, 2008 my world stopped when they came to tell me my daughter had been in a fatel car wreck. How do you go on after that, i have lost both my parents and that pain can't even come close to this. how do i stay strong for my boys, it takes so much energy to just get through each day "fine" for them. I have always tried to instill good values in my children and 1 thing i decided long ago was that my children would not get their license unless they had a job to pay their share, my daughter wanted to finish high school before getting a job, she struggled with schoolwork and worked so hard to be able to graduate this year, so.. she never got her drivers license on jan 30 her friend was letting her drive and she was going way to fast and missed a curve rolling into a tree wich hit right on top of her head killing her instantly, her friend had broke vertibrea, minor head swelling and some bumps and is fine now, they were both wearing seatbelts which saved the friends life but killed Suzette, had she not had hers on she may have been thrown over on the seat and survived. What do i tell my 15 yr old who wants to get his blue slip and drive  how do i ever let him behind the wheel  but how can i not? I have so much guilt- not in the way she left-she had just left home with hugs and love ya's and everyone was getting along so i am thankfull for that-but guilt for all the years of preaching the importance of seatbelts not letting her get her license before the job and of course every fight we ever had and all the times i said no. i know i am rambling which is a clue to how my brain is working right now and i can't help but feel with the boys "whats the point they just grow up and die anyway" i know that is wrong and i fight the feeling everyday to love and care for them without them knowing how upset i am. hiow do i go on?