My Dad....my life....in a nutshell!

My father was in World war 2 and fought in Europe.  He was on  navy cruiser which is slightly smaller then a battleship.  He was in 3 battles, Casablanca, Normandy, and Southern France.  War was Hell, but he survived it!
 I remember as a kid, when I pressed him, he would tell me his war stories and they were quite sad to say the least.   In most instances, the germans knew we were coming so we were sitting ducks for them, he would say.  Bombs, Bullets, were flying over his head and sinking ships and soldiers on each side of him.  They were so hungry from battle, they would use long poles to grab the K rations off the dead soldiers floating in the water.  He saw alot of death....alot of destruction.  
There were many tragic human stories which he would reveal to me from time to time.  There was a small seaplane on this cruiser which was a reconnaisonce plane and went on daily missions.  He was a close friend of dad and every morning he gave my dad an orange and dad would pray for a successful mission for his friend.  One day he didn't come back. It was assumed he was shot down.  There were alot of other stories and then there were things he wouldn't talk about at all. But in my childhood years my dad was an excellent father.  He did things with me...made me laugh  and carried me to bed every nite.  I loved my dad.
 Fast forward to my teenage years.  dad was cheating on mom and drinking quite heavily.  Verbally abusing me nearly every day.  Seemed like he always had to feel like he was better then me.  Mom couldn't handle it so she began drinking heavily as well.  She later died from sirosis caused by her drinking.  I was devastated by her death from a slow suicide  by drinking, that her doctor prescribed valium to me and that was my introduction to using a drug to numb my feelings!
Later in life dad quit drinking and apologized for being a poor dad during my teenage years, so we became good friends and went fishing alot together plus he helped me build my first house and helped alot doing other things around my house.  He was the main source of support when I was having marital problems.
I never touched alcohol for many years. I saw what it did to my parents and I didn't want any part of it so I just settled into my own life with a dominating sociopathic wife, worked two jobs to make ends meet, and do to ever increasing physical and mental stress, I turned to narcotic pain killers.   They seemed to cure my back problems and got me through the long hard, physically and mentally demanding jobs I had.  It sucked when I had to always self medicate by increasing the dose as I built a tolerance.  After about 3 years of self medicating fueled by the dr shopping I seemed to spend alot of time doing, I ended up in the hospital.  I really thought the end was near but I didn't care because I wasn't getting back what I was putting into life.  It was a struggle beyond struggles.  I nearly died from renal failure due to all the narcotics I was taking on a regular basis.   That was about 6 years ago.
God decided to keep me alive for a reason....still not sure why. So I have been trying to do what I believe He would want me to do.  Sometimes I get it wrong but I am not perfect.  I forgive myself alot quicker then I use to and I move on.  
Yep!  War was hell....But I survived it!...........
 

God Bless!
 

Replies

dinahmorris
dinahmorris

You survived to write fascinating and inspiring Journals! (Amongst other things!)
sassysmiles
sassysmiles

I know why he kept u alive! ;)
deleted_user
deleted_user

Very reflective...
Kahlua13
Kahlua13

Hang in there. 1 day at a time! You are doing great!