My Crazy Effin Mother

I've noticed recently that every time I mention my boyfriend to my mother, she rolls her eyes about it. What she doesn't understand is that if it came to a choice between her or him, I'd pick him. I know that sounds absolutely horrendous, she's my mother and "what about all that work she put into making you who you are?" but that's why I would sooner cut contact with her. She made me shit, even she tells me that. I was reminded by her three weeks ago that I was garbage, along with being told to go live my gutter life (this occurred as a result of her irrational and unwarranted hatred toward my boyfriend). Three days later she told me that I should go to college like I had been initially planning to do prior to that event, but the thing is, I don't even want to go anymore. Going away to university requires that I remain financially dependent on my crazy abusive mother for four more years, and to be completely honest, what she said shook me. I usually don't give a fuck what people have to say about me, but my own mother told me I was garbage. How can she say that to me, then the next day expect me to have enough hope in myself to be successful in college? Part of me hates her for having said that, but a lot of me just hates myself as a result of her having said it.