My Conception of God...
I had alot of trouble with the God thing, b/c my father always said...In a rough voice... There is no God... I'am God, when your dead, you are dead...So, if my father was God...if we had to think it in his terms... when we die, we would be dead, and that would be that... that use to make me feel like there was nothing to hope for...So anyway, we never grew up religious, most difinitely not... Spiritual Yes, thats what I chose to feel, b/c it has to be a feeling, not a thought, b/c my thinking will keep me dead... It was easy for me to call my higher power God, b/c it was already laid out for me, I guess its, whatever our own conception is of.. A God...I guess sometimes I call Ryan my God..There is a saying, its funny, Religion is for people who are going to Hell, and Spirituallity, is for people who have been there, and I know for a fact I've been there, b/c I'am in Hell... LOL.. if I'm making any sense??? My kids always had a problem with the God Thing...And I just explained it like I did here, and after Ryan died, his best friend and I were talking, and he said Ryan told him a couple months before he died, he believed in a God, and I knew right then and there, Ryan is with God for a reason...I don't know... I guess if I feel it, there is one, and if I think it, there isn't one...I can confuse myself!! Love, Kelly
Replies
The whole thing about if there is a God are not can be very confussing. I have always beleaved in God, I refuse to beleave that when my son passed it was over for him, I beleave he is in a better place and that one day I will see him agin. If I did not know this to be truth I don\'t know how I would go on.
Losing a child makes you re-think most of your beliefs if not all...and once we have examined things and figure out them for ourselves...we will decide what we will believe. Take care...love and hugs...Karen
Since my son passed I struggle with many thoughts I never had before. I always beleived in God. I question & look for answers that I now I will never find. I tell myself not to think to deep & pray our children are with the Lord & happy. Which can be difficult for some of us Moms. When we have so much grief everyday. Take care. Love, Lucille
Growing up I gravitated towards God/church. I took myself, on foot many times, to church. I needed/enjoyed the way I felt in church. I needed/enjoyed the people who were nice to me. I needed/enjoyed the hope it gave me. I never questioned too much, I just enjoyed the way it all made me feel. Since Kala\'s accident I question everything. I still need the connection to that feeling of hope and goodness and right. I\'m slowly finding that \"my\" God is more the essence, than the \"he\", more the act of love and love itself, than an image sitting on a throne. I\'m finding comfort in love, patience, friendship, spiritual connections that are eternal, and the knowing that there is no death. I think this is God. I no longer think of God as one who \"controls\" everything, I believe God IS everything that is pure and righteous and true and lovely and safe and eternal. I am god when I am loving, patient, and kind to others. When I am angry, selfish, or impatient I am not god. Each time I\'ve questioned Kala about God, her answer is the same, \"Love is all that matters\". My interpretation: Love is God, and God is love, and that\'s as much as I need to know right now. This is much easier for me to accept than to believe that there is a god sitting on a throne deciding who crosses, when, where, and how. If that were true, that would be a god who\'d purposely taken Kala. That would be a god I could not love, and God and love have to be one in the same. Just my thoughts, on this day, at this time. I hope to be ever evolving in all aspects of life, love, and God.
I am a believer in God, and in Jesus. My faith has helped me. I don\'t expect everyone to feel like I do. Your heart is your guide. I am here to love and support anyone I can anyway I can.Love,Peggy
Kelly,
I lost my 37 year old son, 3 years ago last July. Read my profile and \"my story\" in my journal. Even though my son died, I know Jesus loved me and I stood in my pulpit and preached the Love of Jesus the Sunday morning, prior to my son\'s visitation later that evening. This was one of the hardiest things I have even endured but, I trust God and I know everything happens for a reason, even though we as mortals don\'t see or understand it. God bless you and your daughter and may you find peace in your lives. If I can be of further help, contact me. I am the real deal and I have been there.
Friend , this is such a difficult issue. I have suffered many losses, and had to go too many funerals. But have had visitations and had my life saved, literally, so there are angels here. And seen and participated in miracles of faith through prayer, so I am convinced. It is enough for me to believe.
Another teacher at my school asked me \" What if your wrong?\" I looked at him and said \"Then it doesn\'t matter does it?\" You will find the way, be sensitive and open to ideas about the afterlife? xoxoxo deeee
Kelly honey.. there MOST DEFINATLY IS A GOD. And he took your beautiful son to heaven. When you die, you will be reunited with him for all eternity! I totally understand what your dad was saying.. even though it is not what i believe. Nothing makes me sadder than to think we die, and go to a hole in the ground.
I know there is a place beyond here.. becasue you and I both see our loved ones all the time.... i felt them leave.. and i know our bodies are just shells.
Cadence didnt die, to be left the way she did..She is whole and beautiful.. in Gods arms.
We all , even christians , have a different spin,on our beliefs, and im sure Ryan did too. I have no doubt he is with God. And his signs are telling you that!!
I believe you chose \"spirituality\" and chose not to call them the traditional beliefs , b/c you knew there was more.. You\'ve always known there was more..
So dont stress ..Let God carry your burdens!
kelly,
whenever in doubt if there is a God, pick up a bible and search for the answers. It is all right there. John 3:16, For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosever believth in him, shall not perrish but have everlasting life.
I know during the hard times it is easier to question is he really there? But he is, and its during those hard times where you need to lean the most on him. hope this helps
I am new to this suffering. God has always blessed me and I have been so thankful but I have never been so torn and confused since my son took his own life or was murdered (we do not know which torments us) I have stayed deep in prayer since this has happened and deep into devotional readings that constantly keep me assured but I find hearing real experiences such as signs are very comforting and I pray and hope that I receive a sign from above like my daughter did. Brandon was in her dreams saying, \"Praise God all of the time.\" Now, she is not a church goer and battles Borderline Personality Disorder...but she was raised as a Christian in our Christian home and is a believer....I believe her brother was telling her something because he was truly concerned about her...she was into self-mutilation which is part of her disorder. My family is fraught with different mental illnesses. I know God is working in our family through Christ and the angels and all things holy but some days my humaness cannot see or feel it. God bless you in your sorrow and I pray you that you receive the peace that passes all understanding.....