My Conception of God...

 I had alot of trouble with the God thing, b/c my father always said...In a rough voice... There is no God... I'am God, when your dead, you are dead...So, if my father was God...if we had to think it in his terms... when we die, we  would be dead, and that would be that... that use to make me feel like there was nothing to hope for...So anyway,  we never grew up religious, most difinitely not... Spiritual Yes, thats what I chose to feel, b/c it has to be a feeling, not a thought,  b/c my thinking will keep me dead... It was easy for me to call my higher power God, b/c it was already laid out for me, I guess its, whatever our own conception is of.. A God...I guess sometimes I call Ryan my God..There is a saying, its funny, Religion is for people who are going to Hell, and Spirituallity, is for people who have been there, and I know for a fact I've been there, b/c I'am in Hell... LOL.. if I'm making any sense??? My kids always had a problem with the God Thing...And I just explained it like I did here, and after Ryan died, his best friend and I were talking, and he said Ryan told him a couple months before he died, he believed in a God, and I knew right then and there, Ryan is with God for a reason...I don't know... I guess if I feel it, there is one, and if I think it, there isn't one...I can confuse myself!! Love, Kelly