My brain is shutting down.
I really am at a loss for words.Not only do I have to stay positive,because without insurance no doctor cares about what they diagnosed me with.It used to be that doctor were in there field to help and heal,but now if your not independently wealthy or have insurance they will let you die.I don't want to die,I have another grandbaby on the way and my family needs me healthy.I try and convince my self that I can do everything through my believe,but I am starting to fade into a very dark place.Why do bad things have to happen to good people.I've never done anything to deserve this.I try to help people and end up feeling like I've done something wrong.I think I should just shutdown and give up.Nobody can say I haven't tried my best to be a good person.F# ck it.
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I think bad things happen more often to good people because they bust their butts very hard to do things well and to help others (which eventually runs them down), where as bad people just use, con and \'crap on others\' which is an easier and lazier way of doing things and getting things in life. Bad people don\'t bust their butts to get things in life or to better their lives, they just use \'games and cons\' to easily live off of other\'s or get things from others.
Anyway, enough of that.
Here where I am I\'ve gone to see the same doctor twice in two years, both times I explained I have no job, no insurance and live off of little money, he brought the cost of seeing him down quite a bit (but who knows how long that will last though).
If I ever win the lottery, I would give you part of it, so you could go get your health taken care of and also put it towards a place to live for you and wife.
You are so nice Lt.I think tour right about bad people,but it\'s even worse when you use all your energy and connection to help a friend get there business rolling and they turn around and stab you in back.I have help three of my so called friends become wealthy instead of going into business when I had the energy,and now they have ignored my sacrifice and gone on with there life.I need them right now but it really confuses me to why they would just stop being my friend,after everything I have done.I just have to make better friends,like yourself,and move on.I refuse to give up.The next person I\'m going to help is myself.I will not be used anymore.And what I want to succeed at is photography.You have inspired me to become an artist again.I can\'t wait to travel to Florida and finally meet you.And please don\'t send me any money,I don\'t ever want to feel like a charity case.And when you get to know me,you\'ll see why.I have always been a dreamer and have to make things happen.I have never taken advantage of any friend,they always seem to do just fine taken me.But no more,I know what to look for now.And you are a great inspiration and artist.I\'m so blessed to have met you Christina.By the way my name is Thomas Dale Hendrick and my wife of 23 years is Tracy.
Hmm, my favorite cousin\'s name is Thomas also.
Here is my theory on giving things to people, ... Don\'t give things to people if you are going to expect it back or are going to expect something in return for it, because that just makes it seem like a \'control game\'.
As to why some people left you and are no longer around during your hard times, maybe it is because they are just so busy their brains can\'t handle anything else that has nothing to do with just their work, I don\'t know. But I really do think people have become lazy when it comes to feeling, thinking of others and being with others \'in-person\' these days.
As far as photography goes.... alot of photographers don\'t make alot of money on a consistent basis. I barely make nothing from my photography.
If you want something fun to do, try going to www.Zazzle.com
You can upload your photos there onto many kinds of products, but sales are usually very slow.
I\'m not sure about us meeting, because I have PTSD, which stops me from wanting to meet people from online and stops me from getting to know men in-person. Sorry about that. But I\'m trying to work on that.