My boyfriend is being replaced by my dog...
My boyfriend and I have not been doing good for a while...actually a LONG while.
We both planned to take our vacation at the same time. I had no expectations to spend it with him whatsoever because the last vacation we took off together we did not spend together. However, he kept telling me it was our week to be together. We would spend all this time doing stuff. I let myself get my hopes up... just a little, and guess what happened? Out of the nine days we both had off (including the weekend before and the weekend after), I saw him twice, but really only once because the second time didnt count. The first time was on his birthday and it was spent mostly with his family who threw him a party, then we had a few hours together before going to bed. The second time I saw him was for two hours and we were watching a movie, and then he was like, "Im tired, Im going to bed..." So this vacation of nine whole days off and I didnt even get to see him but a total of maybe nine hours. Valentines Day was two weeks later and nothing happened. No plans, nothing... it came and went like any other normal day.
Everyone says he is not into you. You deserve better. I know this. But it is hard to let go of someone who has been in your life for 7 years and your best friend for 5 years before you decided to turn the friendship into a relationship. I see now that being someone's friend is easier than being someones boyfriend. As a friend there are no commitments, you can pretty much be there when you want as the other doesnt expect anything more really. But as a boyfriend, a woman wants to be taken out on dates (I have not been on one yet for the last two years, him cooking me dinner at his house, yes, but never once have we gone to a movie, concert, shopping or nice restraurant). A woman wants to be called and missed and thought about... A woman wants to feel like he WANTS to see her. This feeling loved and wanted was great the first few months of the relationship, but fizzled and has not been rekindled since.
I dont know why it has taken me so long to finally face what is inevitably coming... he is just not that into me. If he is, he has a funny way of showing it. But I keep waiting and thinking finally he will want to get more serious, finally he will want to settle down and two and a half years later, its still the same. Maybe a few 10 minute calls a week and then one night over the weekend of eating dinner at home, watching a movie...
I havent been happy in a long time.
I think the hardest part of letting go is knowing how well we bonded and how close we were when we were just friends... five years of feeling like I had someone who genuinely cared and actualy wanted to talk to me when I called or text. Actually responded almost right away...
So, months and months of loneliness and I finally decided to get a dog. I have heard they are great companions. I wasnt sure how great a companion a dog can truly be, but have been wanting a dog for years now and finally decided to commit to adopting a rescue. I told my boyfriend about this, and his response was awful. He told me I didnt need to get a dog, I am never home, the poor thing wouldnt be taken care of. He made me feel like shit. We had this huge fight about it. He even asked me why I wanted one. I told him I have wanted one for years now, but more so here lately because I feel lonely and heard they are great companions. He berated me so bad that I actually held off another month before I picked back up my search to find the perfect rescue pet.
The deciding factor was another fight where he made me feel like shit. I dont remember exactly what the fight was about, I just remember telling him that we were not in a place in our relationship where I was going to let him make decisions for me. I remember telling him, he was never there for me, so why does he think he can tell me how I should live my life. I remember ending the conversation (or fight really) saying, ",,,and if I want to get a dog, I am going to get a fucking dog!"
So I did...
It wasnt instantaneously, but after a few weeks of searching, I found this gorgeous male three year old pittie mix. I fell in love with him and inquired about him. He was pulled from the animal shelter with his sister right before he was going to be euthenized, and then was in the rescue for a year and four months with only one person (other than me) inquiring about him. I dont have a fenced in yard even though I have a nice sized house. I dont have much of a yard really, but thought, I would start the adoption process and if it was meant to be it would happen. I didnt have high hopes though. I really thought my yard would be a deal breaker for the rescue. They brought him for a home visit and his foster mom said him having a space to call his own and lots of love was all he needed and all she was concerned about. I fell in love with him instantly upon meeting him and a few days later, he was mine.
I told my boyfriend about this... and my goodness, he was all of a sudden excited and happy for me. He told me he would come to my house on the weekends so I could stay home with my dog, and then said I could bring him to his house whenever I wanted because he is the ultimate animal lover and all pets love him. I was surprised by this change of heart... but was still a little skeptical of why the change of heart.
The first weekend my boyfriend came over, my dog would not go near him, and did not like him. I heard dogs have a great sense of character, and if they dont like someone, there is definitely a reason. I convinced myself and my boyfriend that he was just not use to him and it would take some time. He was genuinely hurt that my dog did not like him.
This continued two more weekends... and my boyfriend was truly upset that my dog still had not warmed up to him. I repeated the same thing.. that my dog only sees him a few hours once a week, that it is not enough for him to truly know him. However, I was starting to doubt this to be the case because my dog had warmed up too all my other friends and family members, even his vet and the person who groomed him. Just not my boyfriend.
Finally last weekend, he said he wasnt coming over and wanted me to come to his house. I said, okay thats fine... but then he was like, leave the dog at home. I freaked out, and was like, you said I can bring him over. I had taken my dog to be groomed that day and he was gone most of the day, and I didnt want to turn around and leave him home alone all night. He was like, fine, bring the dog... but wasnt happy about it. He has a cat at his house, and I know he was worried how they would react to eachother. I had asked him several times to come over to his house for 15 minutes to introduce them to each other and see how they reacted, but he told me no each time. The rescue told me that my dog ignored cats so I didnt have anything to worry about, and I told my boyfriend this... he wasnt convinced.
This last weekend I believe was the straw that broke the camels back.
I got over there with my dog, and as expected, he didnt care about the cat, however, the poor cat was petrified. My boyfriend put the cat in his room, but proceeded to be a douche the entire night. He decided to grill out, and instead of closing the back door so that the dog couldnt get out, he left it wide open. When I asked him to shut the door, he was like no. I had to leash my dog while in the house and walk him around. This frustrated me because I couldnt help with any of the cooking which I wanted to do.
He tried to pet my dog a couple of times, and as usual, my dog dodged him and went into another room. He was like, your dog is pissing me off. I told him he senses that and isnt going to get close to him because of that. After the movie, we had another fight
I held my boyfriend to his word when he said I could bring my dog over to his house. He is constantly telling me we are going to do something, or I can do something then backing out at the last minute because he doesnt feel like it and if he doesnt want to he doesnt have to, even if he already said he would. I had hoped that if I brought the dog over, had him meet the cat, then the ice would finally be broken and my boyfriend would be more comfortable with the dog coming over. However, he was pissed and said, I was worried about my cat and didnt want the dog to come over in the first place (this is why he was being a pouty douche all night). I said I know that, because its always his way or no way. But I was tired of him making a commitment and then backing out on me and I was going to start holding him to his word.
He didnt like this... and proceeded to leave me sitting in the living room alone and went to bed. I havent spoken to him since.
I am done. I slept on the couch that night with my dog, and got up and left before he even woke up. I cant do this anymore. Always feeling like I am at the bottom of his list. Him making commitments and plans and backing out at the last minute because he doesnt feel like it.
They say dogs are great companions... and I definitely see why. I get why so many people are so close to their dogs. I see why dogs are a cure of loneliness and depression.
I have had my dog for just a month now. He snuggles up with me in the chair when I watch TV. He sleeps next to me in bed at night. He offers me comfort when I am sad or had a hard day... he is always there for me and happy to see me. Its sad that my dog offers more affection and attention than my boyfriend... who is most likely going to be my ex-boyfriend.
We both planned to take our vacation at the same time. I had no expectations to spend it with him whatsoever because the last vacation we took off together we did not spend together. However, he kept telling me it was our week to be together. We would spend all this time doing stuff. I let myself get my hopes up... just a little, and guess what happened? Out of the nine days we both had off (including the weekend before and the weekend after), I saw him twice, but really only once because the second time didnt count. The first time was on his birthday and it was spent mostly with his family who threw him a party, then we had a few hours together before going to bed. The second time I saw him was for two hours and we were watching a movie, and then he was like, "Im tired, Im going to bed..." So this vacation of nine whole days off and I didnt even get to see him but a total of maybe nine hours. Valentines Day was two weeks later and nothing happened. No plans, nothing... it came and went like any other normal day.
Everyone says he is not into you. You deserve better. I know this. But it is hard to let go of someone who has been in your life for 7 years and your best friend for 5 years before you decided to turn the friendship into a relationship. I see now that being someone's friend is easier than being someones boyfriend. As a friend there are no commitments, you can pretty much be there when you want as the other doesnt expect anything more really. But as a boyfriend, a woman wants to be taken out on dates (I have not been on one yet for the last two years, him cooking me dinner at his house, yes, but never once have we gone to a movie, concert, shopping or nice restraurant). A woman wants to be called and missed and thought about... A woman wants to feel like he WANTS to see her. This feeling loved and wanted was great the first few months of the relationship, but fizzled and has not been rekindled since.
I dont know why it has taken me so long to finally face what is inevitably coming... he is just not that into me. If he is, he has a funny way of showing it. But I keep waiting and thinking finally he will want to get more serious, finally he will want to settle down and two and a half years later, its still the same. Maybe a few 10 minute calls a week and then one night over the weekend of eating dinner at home, watching a movie...
I havent been happy in a long time.
I think the hardest part of letting go is knowing how well we bonded and how close we were when we were just friends... five years of feeling like I had someone who genuinely cared and actualy wanted to talk to me when I called or text. Actually responded almost right away...
So, months and months of loneliness and I finally decided to get a dog. I have heard they are great companions. I wasnt sure how great a companion a dog can truly be, but have been wanting a dog for years now and finally decided to commit to adopting a rescue. I told my boyfriend about this, and his response was awful. He told me I didnt need to get a dog, I am never home, the poor thing wouldnt be taken care of. He made me feel like shit. We had this huge fight about it. He even asked me why I wanted one. I told him I have wanted one for years now, but more so here lately because I feel lonely and heard they are great companions. He berated me so bad that I actually held off another month before I picked back up my search to find the perfect rescue pet.
The deciding factor was another fight where he made me feel like shit. I dont remember exactly what the fight was about, I just remember telling him that we were not in a place in our relationship where I was going to let him make decisions for me. I remember telling him, he was never there for me, so why does he think he can tell me how I should live my life. I remember ending the conversation (or fight really) saying, ",,,and if I want to get a dog, I am going to get a fucking dog!"
So I did...
It wasnt instantaneously, but after a few weeks of searching, I found this gorgeous male three year old pittie mix. I fell in love with him and inquired about him. He was pulled from the animal shelter with his sister right before he was going to be euthenized, and then was in the rescue for a year and four months with only one person (other than me) inquiring about him. I dont have a fenced in yard even though I have a nice sized house. I dont have much of a yard really, but thought, I would start the adoption process and if it was meant to be it would happen. I didnt have high hopes though. I really thought my yard would be a deal breaker for the rescue. They brought him for a home visit and his foster mom said him having a space to call his own and lots of love was all he needed and all she was concerned about. I fell in love with him instantly upon meeting him and a few days later, he was mine.
I told my boyfriend about this... and my goodness, he was all of a sudden excited and happy for me. He told me he would come to my house on the weekends so I could stay home with my dog, and then said I could bring him to his house whenever I wanted because he is the ultimate animal lover and all pets love him. I was surprised by this change of heart... but was still a little skeptical of why the change of heart.
The first weekend my boyfriend came over, my dog would not go near him, and did not like him. I heard dogs have a great sense of character, and if they dont like someone, there is definitely a reason. I convinced myself and my boyfriend that he was just not use to him and it would take some time. He was genuinely hurt that my dog did not like him.
This continued two more weekends... and my boyfriend was truly upset that my dog still had not warmed up to him. I repeated the same thing.. that my dog only sees him a few hours once a week, that it is not enough for him to truly know him. However, I was starting to doubt this to be the case because my dog had warmed up too all my other friends and family members, even his vet and the person who groomed him. Just not my boyfriend.
Finally last weekend, he said he wasnt coming over and wanted me to come to his house. I said, okay thats fine... but then he was like, leave the dog at home. I freaked out, and was like, you said I can bring him over. I had taken my dog to be groomed that day and he was gone most of the day, and I didnt want to turn around and leave him home alone all night. He was like, fine, bring the dog... but wasnt happy about it. He has a cat at his house, and I know he was worried how they would react to eachother. I had asked him several times to come over to his house for 15 minutes to introduce them to each other and see how they reacted, but he told me no each time. The rescue told me that my dog ignored cats so I didnt have anything to worry about, and I told my boyfriend this... he wasnt convinced.
This last weekend I believe was the straw that broke the camels back.
I got over there with my dog, and as expected, he didnt care about the cat, however, the poor cat was petrified. My boyfriend put the cat in his room, but proceeded to be a douche the entire night. He decided to grill out, and instead of closing the back door so that the dog couldnt get out, he left it wide open. When I asked him to shut the door, he was like no. I had to leash my dog while in the house and walk him around. This frustrated me because I couldnt help with any of the cooking which I wanted to do.
He tried to pet my dog a couple of times, and as usual, my dog dodged him and went into another room. He was like, your dog is pissing me off. I told him he senses that and isnt going to get close to him because of that. After the movie, we had another fight
I held my boyfriend to his word when he said I could bring my dog over to his house. He is constantly telling me we are going to do something, or I can do something then backing out at the last minute because he doesnt feel like it and if he doesnt want to he doesnt have to, even if he already said he would. I had hoped that if I brought the dog over, had him meet the cat, then the ice would finally be broken and my boyfriend would be more comfortable with the dog coming over. However, he was pissed and said, I was worried about my cat and didnt want the dog to come over in the first place (this is why he was being a pouty douche all night). I said I know that, because its always his way or no way. But I was tired of him making a commitment and then backing out on me and I was going to start holding him to his word.
He didnt like this... and proceeded to leave me sitting in the living room alone and went to bed. I havent spoken to him since.
I am done. I slept on the couch that night with my dog, and got up and left before he even woke up. I cant do this anymore. Always feeling like I am at the bottom of his list. Him making commitments and plans and backing out at the last minute because he doesnt feel like it.
They say dogs are great companions... and I definitely see why. I get why so many people are so close to their dogs. I see why dogs are a cure of loneliness and depression.
I have had my dog for just a month now. He snuggles up with me in the chair when I watch TV. He sleeps next to me in bed at night. He offers me comfort when I am sad or had a hard day... he is always there for me and happy to see me. Its sad that my dog offers more affection and attention than my boyfriend... who is most likely going to be my ex-boyfriend.
Replies