my birthday on valentines day

As of 324 pm on febuary 14th I will be officialy 32 yrs old and I have to say this is my worst birthday ever. I thought at 32 my life would begin. I thought at 32 my son, my first child, my miracle, the baby I always dreamed of would be born. I thought at 32 it would be the best birthday ever just by knowing he was inside of me and all the joy that I had to look forward to. I thought at 32 I would become a mommy for the first time. But instead of  this I became a mommy to angel at 31. My world came crashing down  in the worst possable way at 31 yrs old. Instead of celebrating what should have been my best birthday ever.. I get to spend the day knowing my son is gone and not here to celebrate with me, I get to spend the day knowing that just the day before, today, it is the 3 week aniversary of my sons birth and death. I hate birthdays. I hate getting older. I hate that this is just another day to me rather than a special birthday. I hate that I have to spend another birthday alone. I hate that people wish me happy birthday and all I want to do is cry. I hate that God took my son away. I hate that every year 3 weeks b4 my birthday I will be thinking of my sons first and final day here. I hate that this happens to good people . I hate that I feel like my son was being punished for all of my wrong doings. I hate that Im crying right now. I hate that this will be marked as the worst year of my life rather than the best. I hate that I am on a website like this cause its the only thing kepping me strong right now. I hate that my son had to die. I hate that everyone gets to be happy on my birthday, everyone but me. Valentines day is a day set aside once a year to be with the ones you love the most. Well I want to be with the one I love the most but he is in heaven and there is nothing I can do to change it. He was supossed to be my valentine this year, my best birthday present of feeling his kicks and movements.I just want my valentine, birthday present back so badly it hurts.