My birth mom
So my birth father... whom I have known for only about a month, finally tracked my birth mom down in Glendale, CA. We have emailed back and forth quite a bit... its been very fulfilling knowing them, what they do, their stories, etc... but a part of me cant help but be sad. It is sad bc I am just now getting to know them. I am trying to be happy and gracious, which I truly am, but a part of me is pissed. Why did it take this long... I was the innocent one in this situation.. and even thought now I feel empowered by knowing them, something is missing. Also, I I feel like they will never get those 25 years back... and I am trying to get to know strangers.. but they gave me life. its all very confusing! Also, I have no one really to talk to about all this, at least no one who truly knows me, and I have a feeling my friends/coworkers either just dont really care or they don't get the complexity of not knowing where you came from for 25 years then all of a sudden this wealth of information and love being dropped into your lap. My adoptive family has been very cold and unsupportive... I am being a whiny baby.. just needed to vent for a moment. Lord, give me strength!! Meeting her on my 25th birthday. If u had told me this a year ago, no, 3 months ago, I wouldn't have believed you. What a true blessing its been, and I need to suck it up and be thankful.
Replies
I\'m sorry your feeling as if your still missing something. Though I think it\'s quite normal. I\'m sure you are experiencing a plethora of emotions, all in a short amount of time.
Is there a support group, or perhaps others who were adopted and then found their birth parents? They could probably help you work through these emotions; and understand how you are feeling; and maybe help give you answers to questions that you seek.
Maybe it would be good for you, after you meet your birth mother, to take a little time for yourself, to absorb all of this?
I\'m here for you if you need an ear.
((((((BIG HUGS)))))
This is the awful stain of being lost from attachments that were so vital to you.
There are no illegitimate children; there are plenty of illegitimate parents.
I realize people make mistakes, this is hard and I\'m really at a loss as to what to tell you.
Yalls words of support give me so much hope. I think ur right abt taking a few months to myself after my bday... and there were a lot of bonds severed. I\'ve come across a few people with similar situations and emotions, and it has been helpful.. just trying to cope. I will get through this :) just like every other hardship I\'ve encountered
I can appreciate your courage.
Everyone is different; but a few years back, I found that I couldn\'t repress the pain any longer. The anxiety went away and, frankly, suicide became an option. This was something taken very seriously...and while I don\'t consider it an addiction...it definitely was an attraction to remove the pain.
I\'m through the most of that and have hope and authenticity now.
Fortunately, settling some of these life issues took away the anxiety for the most part. The internal struggle stopped and I found life affirming things for my own life.
Talk back to the pain, dear...
Thanks for. sharing that with me, I had similar feelings of ending it all this summer. Nothing seemed to be working out, the pain was worse then I\'ve ever known... can\'t imagine if I had gone through with it... I\'d be missing all of this. Anyway, I\'m glad we r both doing better, we deserve life..
it IS confusing, and it IS hard to talk about it with people who don\'t (and will probably never) understand. you are courageous to take this road. vent away. there is almost always a lot of emotion that goes along with adoption, and this is a very intimate time between you and yourself. unfortunately, we don\'t always want it to be intimate. i can relate so much to that. when i \'found\' my birth mother, she had been dead for quite some time. in my grief, i told some people i guess i shouldn\'t have, and they belittled my feelings, sometimes (mostly) without knowing. and even now, some people tell me they thought my mother was dead when i talk about my adoptive mother, and it\'s just a big ol\' mess to explain all over again.
anyway. you are understood here. and hopefully you will find someone(s) in the real world who will support you as well.
xoxo,
beep.