My belated journal entry
Melissa
Hi babe. Let me start by telling you that I miss you so much. I know that you know that already. I tell you that every day. I can't believe that it has been 3 months today since you left. Yet, I want it to be much longer. Time does not seem to pass quick enough. I never want to tell you "good bye." I believe it is "until I see you again." I feel like I should be doing more for you. For your memory. There was a famous man that used to coach the UCLA basketball team. His name was John Wooden. His wife died about 25 years ago, and he loved her so much that he wrote her a love letter every month after she died. He never shared them with anyone, he just folded them up, and placed them in a bundle on her pillow on their bed. He never slept under the covers on their bed again, and he never redecorated or rearranged their home. He did this until he died just a couple of months ago. I thought that writing letters to you would be a way that I could honor you, but obviously I have not been able to do that. Tonight is my first attempt express myself in this way. There are so many things running through my mind, that I don't know where to start.
I guess I'll start at least by saying Thank You! Thank you for choosing me, loving me, and marrying me! I don't know what you saw in me, because no one has ever cared about me like you did. Not even close! That is what makes this time now so tough. The one person on this earth that cared about me is now gone. I have to keep telling myself that you are just gone in the physical sense. You already know that I still talk to you, and lean on you in the tough times.
This is not going the way I wanted it to tonight. There is just too many things running through my mind. I really wanted to tell you about my weekend with Miles, and his basketball tournament. You would be so proud of him. I guess that I'll have to save that for another time. Please continue to look after us, and I promise that I'll try to be a better person in your honor. You deserve much more than that, but I'm afraid that is the best that I can do for right now.
I love you Melissa, and I always will!
Hi babe. Let me start by telling you that I miss you so much. I know that you know that already. I tell you that every day. I can't believe that it has been 3 months today since you left. Yet, I want it to be much longer. Time does not seem to pass quick enough. I never want to tell you "good bye." I believe it is "until I see you again." I feel like I should be doing more for you. For your memory. There was a famous man that used to coach the UCLA basketball team. His name was John Wooden. His wife died about 25 years ago, and he loved her so much that he wrote her a love letter every month after she died. He never shared them with anyone, he just folded them up, and placed them in a bundle on her pillow on their bed. He never slept under the covers on their bed again, and he never redecorated or rearranged their home. He did this until he died just a couple of months ago. I thought that writing letters to you would be a way that I could honor you, but obviously I have not been able to do that. Tonight is my first attempt express myself in this way. There are so many things running through my mind, that I don't know where to start.
I guess I'll start at least by saying Thank You! Thank you for choosing me, loving me, and marrying me! I don't know what you saw in me, because no one has ever cared about me like you did. Not even close! That is what makes this time now so tough. The one person on this earth that cared about me is now gone. I have to keep telling myself that you are just gone in the physical sense. You already know that I still talk to you, and lean on you in the tough times.
This is not going the way I wanted it to tonight. There is just too many things running through my mind. I really wanted to tell you about my weekend with Miles, and his basketball tournament. You would be so proud of him. I guess that I'll have to save that for another time. Please continue to look after us, and I promise that I'll try to be a better person in your honor. You deserve much more than that, but I'm afraid that is the best that I can do for right now.
I love you Melissa, and I always will!
Replies
Wonderful story about John Wooden....and a great start at journaling---let it come to you at your own pace and don\'t be hard on yourself. None of us thought we\'d be in the position of trying to write and talk to our spouses this way and it is hard to get used to. The important thing is that you are communicating and giving your heart that outlet. Glad to hear Miles had a good weekend---had the same here with soccer--2 bronze, a 4 silver medals---wish Jeff could have been there, but in his own way, I know he was. Hope you have a good week-CJ
A very good beginning! Hope you have a good week. Joely
A great baby step to take! I like this idea of writing a love letter. Hang in there and stay cool in this heat!
Tim -
What a great journal and a wonderful way to start the week. I will be at 3 months on August 4 and I know what you\'re feeling. I write to Mark here in my journal, asking for his help, letting him know what\'s going on - I guess it\'s all part of my life now. We always talked about everything - and I always leaned on him so it\'s only natural that I still do.
I\'m really glad that you had a good weekend with Miles - I know that Melissa is proud of him and of you for being such a wonderful Dad. She choose you, loves you and married you because she knew that you were perfect for her and would be a terrific parent for your children. She will always be there to care about you, to love you and watch over you.
Hope you have a good week. Hugs to you,
Chris
Tim..once you start those journals they seem to come much easier...I also have a journal that I keep next to my bed and I also write in that just to help with the grief journey that we are all on. I will be approaching my nine month mark next week and as I read my journal entries and the one I keep to myself..I see the improvement and the ease of saying what I am feeling..your Melissa is with you in your heart, soul and memories and that can never be taken away from you. I have a great quote that I keep on my Face Book page..here it is for you:
Love is stronger than death even though it can\'t stop death from happening,
but no matter how hard death tries it can\'t separate people from love.
It can\'t take away our memories either.
In the end, life is stronger than death.
- Unknown
Hugs,
Ellen