My beautiful son
I am inspired by the lovely tributes I've recently read from Mom's about their children. I thought I'd write a letter to Max expressing what I feel on this beautiful sunny summer day.
Dear Max,
I'm at the beach house looking at the sun gleaming on the water as the waves lap softly on the shore. Birds are full of song and the dragon flies are doing their acrobatics in the sky. Dad is planting in the front (no surprise there) and I am so aware of your sweet presence. How you loved the beach and all it offered. Swimming, fishing, boating, riding, eating, family. Our house is close to being finished and I know you visit. I hope for a sign from you today. Truth is, I am vulnerable today and missing you so much that I need a sign. Your smile. Your independence. The silliness of you. I've come to think of you as my "soul". Dad is my "heart" and Alex is my "love". But you are my soul. We just understood each other, didn't we? Sometimes there was no need for words. Just a glance. A smile. A knowing gesture. I can hear you telling me to move on. Intellectually, I know you are right. But my problem is I have no idea what "moving on" means. I retired a year after your passing and know that was a good decision. It has given me time to encounter my grieving and not put it off to the side. It has not been an easy past year yet I know I progress and I am proud of that. I am working on myself and trying to be the best I can be. I so want to honor your life by living my days on this earth to the fullest. My sweet, handsome, silly boy. Your mama thinks of you every day and knows you will be waiting for her when she, too, passes over. Until then, please keep sending me signs and pray that I am able to live with love's powerful spirit to guide me. I love you with all of my being Max.
Your "favorite" mama
Dear Max,
I'm at the beach house looking at the sun gleaming on the water as the waves lap softly on the shore. Birds are full of song and the dragon flies are doing their acrobatics in the sky. Dad is planting in the front (no surprise there) and I am so aware of your sweet presence. How you loved the beach and all it offered. Swimming, fishing, boating, riding, eating, family. Our house is close to being finished and I know you visit. I hope for a sign from you today. Truth is, I am vulnerable today and missing you so much that I need a sign. Your smile. Your independence. The silliness of you. I've come to think of you as my "soul". Dad is my "heart" and Alex is my "love". But you are my soul. We just understood each other, didn't we? Sometimes there was no need for words. Just a glance. A smile. A knowing gesture. I can hear you telling me to move on. Intellectually, I know you are right. But my problem is I have no idea what "moving on" means. I retired a year after your passing and know that was a good decision. It has given me time to encounter my grieving and not put it off to the side. It has not been an easy past year yet I know I progress and I am proud of that. I am working on myself and trying to be the best I can be. I so want to honor your life by living my days on this earth to the fullest. My sweet, handsome, silly boy. Your mama thinks of you every day and knows you will be waiting for her when she, too, passes over. Until then, please keep sending me signs and pray that I am able to live with love's powerful spirit to guide me. I love you with all of my being Max.
Your "favorite" mama
Replies
Your beautiful son hears every word, I am sure. I know the pain and the slow steps forward...Matt seems to also share that humor and wonderful relationship with you that my son and I also shared. That longing is so deep and forever...until we are reunited with our sons. Thank you for sharing about Matt and that special mom and son relationship. I look at his handsome face and wonder if you all are related to me....Matt looks like my cousins up there in Philly.
Love and peace...dale, brandon\'s mom
You write such a beautiful entry. I can feel you love in your heartfelt words. I hope you get that sign today but I\'ve learned that sometimes the one\'s we get when we least expect them, are the best. Much love. Robin
I have always had the sense around you my friend that you are exactly where you need to BE. You have been so actutely aware of this grieving and healing path and have been doing your work 110%! I just feel this around you ALL the time. Oh, to be at the beach where you mind and heart wander to all that Max loved. I understand the longing to share these moments as we did and trying to learn how to do it in this \"new\" way now. Even a breeze can be that gentle sign that you are longing for... close your eyes and feel him surrounding you. I adored reading this today... thank you! Lots of loving care. XO Joanie
This is beautiful..it sounds as if he fit perfectly in your world...and you will fit perfectly in his...one day...and in the meantime you are doing what needs to be done...and enjoying the things you can...again..a beautiful entry and inspirational...love and hugs...Karen
Wonderful...just wonderful!! Nora
Thank you friends for your uplifting comments. As soon as I finished writing this journal yesterday, I went outside to where my husband was gardening...we both turned our faces skyward and there was my sign ...a powerful bald eagle soaring in the sky above us! He was close enough so we both saw the pure white head and tail in the sun. As he glided over our house and out of sight I ran in the house to see if I could see him on the other side. And of course, the eagle was no where to be seen. But I had seen, and felt, enough!! Such a beauty! Thank you Max for BEING there for us. We will BE together forever!
Your letter to your precious son is so touching. Having such a powerful sign must have felt so good.
I just love the picture of Max on your profile, what a beautiful young man.
Hugs, Rebecca
I can feel Max\'s gentle presence as I read this beautiful letter sent to him with love and a prayer. Thank you for sharing your \"soul\" with us.
Sending much love and soaring hugs to you and Max ~ Debbie