My arm and Paranoia
I have this constant paranoia that I am being watched, recorded, people know my thoughts, etc. Normally, when I'm at home I don't feel it that much, just when I go out and stay at someone's house. I've heard that "you can tell it's a one way mirror if you put your finger on it and there is no glass" but that hasn't been true in a long time. You can just put a piece of glass over the one-way mirror and it looks like a regular one. I remember that there was this mirror across from my door growing up. It didn't matter that we took it off the wall when we repainted and there was of course nothing behind it, every time I go back to that house I still think there is someone watching me from that mirror. I feel that there are cameras in TV's watching me, cameras placed in trees outside of windows, people following me from Social Security to see if I'm really disabled (of course, I'm going for mental and not physical, so it doesn't matter what I do outside, but you think that matters to paranoia?) and all sorts of other nonsensical things (like my cat is a robot, watching me to see if I'm going to abuse her so they can take her away). This paranoia goes back to early childhood.
Now my right arm hurts really bad, and I'm trying to do everything I can with just my left arm, or with the range I can bend my right arm (fully extended downward hurts, and so does bending my arm close like a sideways V, so I can hold it in an L position and it's not too bad). I feel like crap, since I can't do simple things like put my hair up or tie a bandanna around my head (I sleep with one on since we sleep with a strong fan on to block out noise) and I have to ask Geo to help me. I feel like crap for asking him for help.
What do the two have in common right now? I don't even feel safe from being watched at home. I think someone is watching me, seeing if my arm is really hurt or if I'm just pretending. It's hard for me to get to sleep since I can't sleep in my normal sleeping position. I didn't fall asleep till almost 4am, slept until 8am, was awake till about 11am and then slept till 3pm. I've tried everything I can think of for my arm- from heat, cold and massage to motrin and vicodin. Nothing gets rid of the pain. The pain is in my elbow joint, and it feels like I'm being stabbed with a needle. I just wish I could shake this feeling of being watched.. it's really horrible.
Now my right arm hurts really bad, and I'm trying to do everything I can with just my left arm, or with the range I can bend my right arm (fully extended downward hurts, and so does bending my arm close like a sideways V, so I can hold it in an L position and it's not too bad). I feel like crap, since I can't do simple things like put my hair up or tie a bandanna around my head (I sleep with one on since we sleep with a strong fan on to block out noise) and I have to ask Geo to help me. I feel like crap for asking him for help.
What do the two have in common right now? I don't even feel safe from being watched at home. I think someone is watching me, seeing if my arm is really hurt or if I'm just pretending. It's hard for me to get to sleep since I can't sleep in my normal sleeping position. I didn't fall asleep till almost 4am, slept until 8am, was awake till about 11am and then slept till 3pm. I've tried everything I can think of for my arm- from heat, cold and massage to motrin and vicodin. Nothing gets rid of the pain. The pain is in my elbow joint, and it feels like I'm being stabbed with a needle. I just wish I could shake this feeling of being watched.. it's really horrible.
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