My anger is killing me!!
Since the day I found her stuff, I have been completely overwhelmed with such intense emotions!! I cant even explain them but I now know how people can be so enraged as to hurt someone else....The anger, hurt & rejection is eating me up every moment of the day & at night I dream of them together & of me attacking both of them. It hurts that I have gone from loving him with my whole heart to hating him so intensly! I dont know how to deal with any of this! This morning, just talking to him on the phone for 2 minutes regarding Olivia & I was nearly going ballistic! I know I need to control myself but this is so difficult. How do I get past all the hurt, anger & hate? How do I forgive him & release myself? I know this is a prison of my own making in my head but I cant escape it.....how did he tell me he loved me then turn to someone else 7 days later & put us behind him so easily? I cant do this!! I actually thought this morning for the first time that Olivia would be better off without me....a fleeting momentary thought of suicide. I have never, ever considered that through all of this but today, I did. It scares me to think that way & I know I would never do it but I hate the person I have become in the past month! I am so ugly with rage....maybe she'd be better off living with him. I am so depressed & angry! I pray numerous times through the day just to find peace somehow but it takes one thought of him & any peace is totally shattered.....God, PLEASE help me find peace & release me from this pain & agony.....Please...?
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It is so hard to accept the fact that the stbx chose someone else. I remember the day I found out and confirmed that she slept over at his house. I was obsesed in knowing the truth and became consumed by it all. I had to tell myself that I knew all that I needed to know and that there was nothing, not one thing I could do to change anything. I did not want to be consumed by it anymore. She made a choice and I it was all done. Realizing that I had no control or say in what she does any more I released it all. Now I dont give a rats ass who she is with. I just need to continue on myself and by myself. My foucs is on the kids because they need a stable parent now more then ever. I know it is tough but you are a survivor you will get through this. Take it day by day for now. Stay the course and you will make it.
well, it\'s going to take some time for you to process this. it\'s normal to be angry and hurt and to feel betrayed, and to question the whole thing. try to focus on your daughter and how much you love her and how much she loves you and how much you both need eachother right now. i know it\'s difficult to get past the pain of what\'s going on, but try to find the strength to spend some time with your daughter, to hug her to tell her you love her and to smile at her......my heart breaks for you dear....it will take some time for all this to pass....and there will be beauty....it\'s good to know the truth, even though it is so painful and heart rendering....i agree with your prayer that God will help you find peace, but i also pray that he will place His hand on your heart and mind and bring you comfort, joy and strength, and gentleness, and i pray that you will be blessed with His kindness......i pray that He will touch your mind and help you not have obsessive thinking, so that you can take care of yourself and your daughter...i pray that you will have a good night\'s rest tonight...amen
big big hugs to you today dear friend....you are going through a great deal....it\'s hard to process it all....but remember, as you pursue your healing journey, you will be able to enjoy life more and more...never give up, you are worth fighting for...:)