My anger is killing me!!

   Since the day I found her stuff, I have been completely overwhelmed with such intense emotions!! I cant even explain them but I now know how people can be so enraged as to hurt someone else....The anger, hurt & rejection is eating me up every moment of the day & at night I dream of them together & of me attacking both of them. It hurts that I have gone from loving him with my whole heart to hating him so intensly! I dont know how to deal with any of this! This morning, just talking to him on the phone for 2 minutes regarding Olivia & I was nearly going ballistic! I know I need to control myself but this is so difficult. How do I get past all the hurt, anger & hate? How do I forgive him & release myself? I know this is a prison of my own making in my head but I cant escape it.....how did he tell me he loved me then turn to someone else 7 days later & put us behind him so easily? I cant do this!! I actually thought this morning for the first time that Olivia would be better off without me....a fleeting momentary thought of suicide. I have never, ever considered that through all of this but today, I did. It scares me to think that way & I know I would never do it but I hate the person I have become in the past month! I am so ugly with rage....maybe she'd be better off living with him.  I am so depressed & angry! I pray numerous times through the day just to find peace somehow but it takes one thought of him & any peace is totally shattered.....God, PLEASE help me find peace & release me from this pain & agony.....Please...?