My advice to him if I could give it...

I am trying so hard to be brave and strong right now - but I fear how long I can be. I was happy in our relationship until I found out he was unhappy, and now I am unhappy, but only because of the fear I have of what may happen. The only other unhappiness I felt before was just with myself and things I need to change about myself.... so one thingI know I can do that may help is trying very hard to change those things I dislike about myself so I can be a better me, and be a better partner for him. If I am happy, instead of stuck in this relapsing depression, then perhaps it will affect his happiness as well.  I am trying to understand that whatever he is thinking right now has nothing to do with me, but rather his own feelings on his future and what he wants it to be. I really do not want to pressure him, or make him feel pressured into marriage. Mostly, I just want to love him and be loved, just be with him. Marriage really is secodary to that - just being with him is #1 to me. The reason I ever mentioned wanting to get married is just so I could finally have a 100% sense of security. And it is situations such as now as to why I need that. If we were married and he approached me saying he has been unhappy, I would not be as fearful because I think he would be more committed into fixing whatever is wrong. But since we're not, I am desperately fearing he may give up without a fight.   This is why I want to get married and what it is to me - but more importantly, this is what I want overall for us, married or not:     “I want to be your support system, I want to be the one who takes care of you when your         sick or upset, I want to bring you breakfast in bed once in a while, and have arguments         about where your black socks are. I want to be the one that travels and learns with you, I         want to have children with you, I want to suprise you with muffins when you least expect it, I     want to bring you home that book you’ve been wanting to read (for no reason at all), I want     to be your wife.” I know that may seem a little vague maybe. Not the typical deep emotions one should express when saying why that want to marrying someone. But that is the simplest way to describe it while still saying how I feel. But he says he is unhappy.... I don't know what I need to do since he doesn't know why or what he is unhappy with. The only thing I have to pull from is past experience and wisdom from those who have been where I am. I am interpreting his "unhappiness" as him trying to decide what he really wants, and to get over his own fears about the future too. I just hope at the end of this battle he is having he will choose me.  A lot of relationships end because someone is simply unhappy or "fell out of love." But I have realized that those honeymoon feelings and butterflies we often have at the beginning of relationships eventually fade, and not because you are no longer in love. Those honeymoon feelings are certainly wonderful. However, they inevitably leave, I would say they almost always do. They can be rekindled, but how are we to do that if we quit when they are gone? I think it is by consciously deciding to love that person, even though we don't really feel like it today. Try to look for ways to overcome life's challenges, rather than run away from them. I know I may sound like a hypocrite when saying that, because I often have trouble avoiding self-pity, and he knows that about me better than anyone. But my head knows this to be true, I am just trying to get my emotions to sync up with that - and sometimes I fail. In many cases, deciding to love the person, learning what it takes to really help them feel that you love them is enough to inspire the same efforts from them.  I believe that we can simply decide to love a person, if we want to. Some make it easier for us to do that than others of course. Still, love is more than those butterfly feelings in our tummies. I mean, what are we to do when the butterflies are gone? Many simply end the relationship, and go out chasing butterflies. Love is much more than a feeling. I believe it is a conscious decision. I am going to love you today even though....Once you make that concious decision to love someone and be with them, then you must decide to put each other first. Relationships are not a two way street, it is one way, you must both decide to go the same direction. It shouldn't be a give and take relationship, rather a give and give relationship, and then when you have nothing left to give, you give some more. Deciding to love someone is not going to bed with them, it is getting up with them, and trudging through life together, not because you feel like you can/have to do it, but because you decide/commit to do it. You decide to be partners, a team, a duo, and therfore consciously decide to go through life together instead of alone. I would love to let him read this, but I doubt he would want to. I'm just trying to be absently supportive, if that makes sense. Trying to be here if he really needs me, but otherwise try to back off so he can decide what he wants. But ultimately, I want his decision to be me. And it is so hard at  the moment to remain calm when I feel so out of control of the outcome.