My adult children are addicted to herion
my eldest daughter died from an accidental drug overdose of methadone in 2005. My remaining adult children have been addicted to herion for 2+yrs. They are both in jail presently.
I miss them. I cry scream blame myself. Ive been in active addiction off and on all my life. I passed the genetics and dysfunction to them. We are all products of our environment. I didn't use herion for over 25 yrs. Then. I relapsed after running out of suboxone. Ive been on subutex since2005. Id been on methadone for 5 yrs for Percocet. How freaking lame..methadone is the devil. Liquid handcuffs. I surrendered my nursing license back yrs ago. The acsess for narcotics was too easy. So. I went to rehabs bouncing around for years opiate addiction. Subutex saved my life. I started in aa/na in 1984. Relapsed1994. I drove my kids through my chaos my drama. I have periods of suicidal ideation. After almost really dying I had a spiritual experience in 2010. I will never attempt suicide again. Hell was revealed to me. The ultimate selfish act.
Thats my history briefly. Their father abandoned them at 2&3 yrs old. Narcissism and addiction and psychopathic describe him.
I miss my kids. All I know is them and being their mom. However dysfunctional I love them more than life. The guilt is overbearing. My life is wasting away un sadness and grief. Im so depressed I have to force myself to get out of bed. Then what! I live with my 83 yr old dad. He bought and sold all my houses trying to fix me. Geographically changes don't work. I don't even have a car as my sob pawned it then sold to the dope man. Im 57. So much time is wasting away. Im stuck. Any feedback will be appreciated.
I miss them. I cry scream blame myself. Ive been in active addiction off and on all my life. I passed the genetics and dysfunction to them. We are all products of our environment. I didn't use herion for over 25 yrs. Then. I relapsed after running out of suboxone. Ive been on subutex since2005. Id been on methadone for 5 yrs for Percocet. How freaking lame..methadone is the devil. Liquid handcuffs. I surrendered my nursing license back yrs ago. The acsess for narcotics was too easy. So. I went to rehabs bouncing around for years opiate addiction. Subutex saved my life. I started in aa/na in 1984. Relapsed1994. I drove my kids through my chaos my drama. I have periods of suicidal ideation. After almost really dying I had a spiritual experience in 2010. I will never attempt suicide again. Hell was revealed to me. The ultimate selfish act.
Thats my history briefly. Their father abandoned them at 2&3 yrs old. Narcissism and addiction and psychopathic describe him.
I miss my kids. All I know is them and being their mom. However dysfunctional I love them more than life. The guilt is overbearing. My life is wasting away un sadness and grief. Im so depressed I have to force myself to get out of bed. Then what! I live with my 83 yr old dad. He bought and sold all my houses trying to fix me. Geographically changes don't work. I don't even have a car as my sob pawned it then sold to the dope man. Im 57. So much time is wasting away. Im stuck. Any feedback will be appreciated.
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