My Abusive EXBf is TRYING HARD to get Me to Take Him Back AGAIN !

Can a Man that's been Abusive actually CHANGE on His Own... I mean WITHOUT ANY Professional Help whatsoever ?!?! I don't think so, but My Abusive EXBF seems to believe it's possible.He's convinced Himself that He's supposedly " got His Anger under Control now " ! For ONE THING it troubles Me that He STILL won't admit it's MORE than simple ANGER ! IT'S DOWNRIGHT RAGE ... AND CALLING IT " ANGER " IS LIKE CALLING A HURRICANE A GENTLE MAY RAIN STORM !!!! Part of all of this is My Fault. I know this, because I realize now what a Mistake I've made in Believing that Him and I could be " FRIENDS ". I thought that We could be " FRIENDS " without Him seeing ME as a WAY OUT when Things don't go well where He's at ! But apparently He hasn't seen it that Way. I don't Understand HOW He believes I can just PUT EVERYTHING BEHIND ME, and Take Him BACK YET AGAIN ! I know I've taken Him back many Times before... BUT He's got to realize at least a little that He's PUSHING IT by trying to get Me to do it AGAIN !How could I possibly EVER TRUST HIM AGAIN ???? I don't see HOW Trust can ever exist with Someone that's Betrayed, and LIED to Me, so MANY TIMES ! I would Naturally ALWAYS be Suspicious of EVERY LITTLE THING HE SAID, OR DID. That's No Way to Live ! I can't Live in an Atmosphere of Suspicion, and Bitterness, like that. In Order for a Relationship to Truly Work You must have TRUST. I know this... and I've TRIED to explain that to Him, but He only Hears what He WANTS to Hear, I think... since He'll just shrug off what I say, and act as IF Everything's just Peachy Keen between US ! Yes, I admit it... I did make Another HUGE Mistake, and during a couple of the Phone Conversations I've had with Him, I admitted to Him that I've Missed Him.This Was Very Wrong for Me to say to Him, I can see now... because He took that completely WRONG ! He figured it automatically meant that I wanted Him BACK !IT DIDN'T ! In Fact, it really ONLY meant that I Miss how He USED TO BE, BEFORE HE LET HIS TRUE COLORS OUT... AND that a Small Part of Me foolishly Misses the Dream of Believing that He could Change... that He could be the MAN I thought He was in the Beginning. BUT, I know... as Hard as the TRUTH is to Face, I have to Face the Cold Hard Truth that He is how He is... and that's how He will ALWAYS BE. I have actually accepted that, but He caught Me during a couple of Moments of Weakness when I was actually Missing being Blissfully Ignorant of the Reality of it ALL. I had My Dream, and I thought it was Possible.BUT... I had to realize that it could NEVER BE ! He's still obviously STUCK in His Own Fantasy World, since He actually has convinced Himself that He can be OKAY without Professional Help ! He's forgotten that this Last Time that He Left Me - Last Sept. of 2008 - I even told Him that I would NEVER take Him back AGAIN, and even IF I considered it that would ONLY BE IF He was getting Regular Professional Help... meaning being ON Meds, and getting Therapy on a Regular Basis. Even then, I'm not sure IF I would because I know that He NEEDS that for a VERY LONG Time for it to make ANY Difference, that is.. IF it even would actually Help Him at all ! What's NUTS about this, even MORE than ME being NUTS by Talking to Him on the Phone... Is that I don't want to Hurt Him. Crazy, Huh ???? He sounds so Excited, and Happy, when He talks about coming Back to Me on the Phone. I don't want to CRUSH that Happiness in Him. I don't have Any Desire to Hurt Him, even though I know that Many Others would say I'd have Every Right to want Revenge. I'm just NOT Like that at all ! I don't Want to be Like that. But WHAT do I do ?????  I can't just LET HIM come back because I don't want to Hurt His Feelings.That would DEFINITELY be the WRONG REASON to take Him Back AGAIN ! Yes.... You've probably already guessed it... but even if You haven't, I'll admit this also in here... I have been Nuts, and I have told Him on the Phone that I LOVE Him. I do Still Love Him. That is the Truth, but Loving Him just isn't Enough ! My LOVE for Him NEVER stopped His ABUSE in the PAST.... SO WHY SHOULD IT STOP IT NOW  ??!?!?!? I've been Living Without Him now for Over ONE YEAR... so You'd think that I'd be FREE of His Grasp by Now, but I guess I'm Not quite yet. I have tried to Move On... and Put HIM in My Past, after He Left Last September.But it wasn't as Simple as I thought it would be, and when He started Calling Me again I couldn't find it in Me to Resist Talking to Him on the Phone.The Thing is I think that He Knows Me all too well.He knows how to USE My Loneliness in His FAVOR !Does that make Sense ? I think it does. Especially lately, He knows that My Knees have been bothering Me a LOT, and He's used that in His FAVOR by pointing out how Much He'd Help Me out once He got back. He knows How Much I NEED Someone here to Help Me with Every Day Things like Cleaning, Laundry, Getting the Mail, Taking the Garbage Out, etc... And He's USING THAT to get what He wants... to Get Me to Take Him Back ! Who's to say, though... that He would actually stand by His Word once He got Here ?! As many Times as He's Broken Promises to Me in the Past, there is a definite chance He could go back on His Word. I don't want to LIVE in FEAR again... bottom Line... I don't want to LIVE with Someone who will NOT be TRUE to ME... and will End Up Breaking My HEART Once AGAIN ! He can PROMISE Me the WORLD on the PHONE... But when it comes to it.... HOW CAN I KNOW THAT HE'LL STICK TO THAT ?!?!?!? Besides... He has Certain IDEAS of What being Romantic involves, and some of what He's said kind of worries Me... for it almost sounds like it leaves a Possibility for Abuse to be involved in it. At least that's how it sounded to Me. I hope that I'm wrong, but considering who said it, I don't think that I am. PLUS... As Much as He'll Swear to ANYONE that Him and I have a LOT in Common... We really DON'T ! Sure IF You can call liking a Few of the Same Movies, and liking WWE Wrestling, and Playing Board Games, having a LOT in Common... than We do ! lol.. BUT... I don't think that's a LOT .. Do You ? Besides, I've actually found SOMEONE ELSE that I do have a LOT of Things in Common with.We Connect on so Many Levels that Sometimes when We're Talking on the Phone We can almost finish Each Other's sentences, since We know how Each of Us thinks.I Love it ! We have a " Special Connection " that can't be denied. During the Very First Time I talked to Him on the Phone - actually a Few Years ago - I felt like I'd known Him ALL of My Life ! It felt Like I was Meeting Someone for the First Time, who I'd actually already Known for a Lifetime. It was an Amazing Feeling ! I wish I hadn't let My Involvement for My Abusive EXBF come in the Way of what could have been with that Guy.BUT... Now, since My Abusive EXBF is NOT Here, I've reconnected with " HIM ", and it's so GREAT to Talk to Him Freely on the Phone again.WHY would I want to GIVE THAT UP ??????WHY WOULD I GIVE UP THE CHANCE OF BEING WITH WHAT COULD BE MY TRUE SOUL MATE... FOR TAKING BACK A PAST ABUSIVE EXBF ?????? As Much as I wouldn't Want to HURT My Abusive EXBF... THERE IS NO WAY THAT I'm going to HURT My " Special Guy " AGAIN... BECAUSE OF THE ABUSIVE ONE ! I made that Mistake Before, one Time when I took My Abusive EXBf back, and I had to tell My " Special Guy " about it. It KILLED ME to hear the Heart Break in His Voice !!!!! I couldn't LIVE with Myself IF I ever did Something Like that Again ! I think this Other " Special Guy " could very well be My TRUE SOUL MATE. He says that He feels the SAME Way about Me too.I PRAY that I'll be with HIM One Day... BUT for NOW, I think it's Much Better for Me to be ALONE than to Listen to the " DEVIL'S LIES ", and make the HUGE MISTAKE of taking back my Abusive ExBf ! Doesn't that Make Sense ????? After all, WHO but the " DEVIL " would be Trying Hard to get Me to take back an ABUSIVE EXBF, that would Very Likely start ABUSING ME YET AGAIN... SOON AFTER He got back with Me !?!??!So I have to Resist the Temptation to take the Easy Road... and take Back Someone who's Anxious and Ready to come back to Me right aways... and Instead, stick with the " Wonderful and Special Guy " who's slowly working towards US being Together... but there's No Date set Yet for Him to come to Me. Slower sometimes can be Better, You think ??????