My 3 new rules
I have such an urge to text my stbx back about his "biggest buck ever" but I've got to learn to let go. I've got to be stronger about the "no contact" rule. I've been allowing him to still be a part of my life when it suits him and he's been keeping me on a string, dangling a carrot in front of me by trying to remain friends. Right now I cannot handle that. I need more time before I can become his "buddy". I want to share in his joy, but I've got to remember that this is his single life and he's made it very clear that I'm not a part of it. So how am I going to learn to let go if he won't let me go. I've got to make it clear to him that he chose to eliminate me from his life. He wants a divorce for crying out loud. How can he possibly think it's ok for him to email me and talk to me and text me like I'm his "buddy". I wish it was for another reason like he wants to reconcile, but I know that's NOT the reason. He's made that perfectly clear too. I've got to learn how to apply tough love. I've got to let him crash and burn on his own or he will never realize what he's lost. If I am there for him every time he needs me, he'll never know what it's like to live without me I've got to live by these 3 rules or he'll think its all ok when in fact it's not.
Replies
Way to be strong.
Chrissy, you are making headway! I know it does not feel like it, but it a step forward.
I\'m guilty of the same thing - my exass calls talks to me like nothing is wrong - he tells me about his life - but then never asks me.
The last time he came up here he was pissed at me because I simply said to him - after 21 years - I know the marriage is over, but I still care about you, I probably always will. I can\'t help it that is the way I am.
But I have made a concerted effort not to ask anything about his life right now. I have to keep my contact with him to a minimum - that is what is best for me. I definitely can say I don\'t consider myself friends with him at this point - it still hurts too much. Perhaps some day - but that is in the distance.
That is how mine acts too. He talks to me like nothing ever happened. Although he doesnt just call to chat he always has a reason but then will go on about his work, and he asks my opinion of things. What is with them? Im not ready. I dont even want to see him but then I want to talk to him. What is with me?? I hear that no contact will make us move on but after so many days without talking I kind of wish I had a reason to call him. Crazy times is what this is.
You are taking steps forward and you are correct in that you are just going to continue to be hurt by letting him be friendly with you! Hang in there and be strong! You really do deserve so much better! Keep convincng yourself of that!
Many hugs, my friend! Hang in there!
You\'re doing good. Ignore him. He notices it but doesn\'t really know what to do. A little taste of his own medicine.
Great post. You\'re absolutely right. I think sometimes we THINK they want something when they don\'t. They just want to do what they want and still have contact and feel secure with us. NOPE! Doesn\'t work that way. I had no contact for a long time. It worked. Unfortunately for the X, it worked better for me. And today, contact with him doesn\'t bother me. Like I\'ve said before, I don\'t like it just because I don\'t like him, but I can do it and I\'m not emotional. You will get there too, my friend. I\'m a year ahead of you! So be patient, hang tough. Hugs.