My 1st entry...lonely in NJ

Today I am staying hopeful. I have been working hard on myself for the past two years and I am ok with where I am in my life right now.  That is even weird to say out loud! But it's true, I have been lifting weights, eating healthy, hiking, biking, keeping a home, taking care of three children and four fur babies, all through a pandemic! The one thing that is missing however is that forever friend. I keep saying to just keep growing, and working on myself and one day...

Growing up I was the fun girl, the one who got everyone together for parties, always going above and beyond for those that I care about, outgoing by nature, Aquarius through and through...people just assumed that I was happy. "you were always smiling in high school..." but inside I was dying. I just wanted someone to want to go out of their way to be my friend. Like the friend that checks up on you daily with even just a short text msg. Or who asks to hang out monthly b/c they really enjoy your company. And this has made me question myself over the years. Like am I good enough for others? Why doesn't anyone ever ask me to do anything fun? Should I just stop trying? Ugh. I agonize over this daily. And it makes me so extremely lonely even though I am surrounded by family most of the time. I am working with a therapist now and I am hopeful that I will have some kind of breakthrough that will make me see what is paining me so much about this. I wonder if others feel this way?