Must be........

I am really missing my kids today.  I know this sounds selfish but I wish the pain would go away.  I have tears filling up my eyes as I type this.  I spent the last two days doing the best I can for a bunch of other peoples kids and there is not a damn thing I can do with mine.  This pain in my heart is the worse I have ever felt.  How can a person be so cold as to do this to another person?  I figured out a while back that the person I am married to has no love for me or she would never have done this and continue it.  Maybe this is the justice I deserve for the drinking. I did it for so long.  My youngest one will never have to see daddy sittin by himself drinking every night.  She will never have to see me!!!