Music helps me..kinda
Just got through listening to music that spoke to me. Got me in that deep world that I'm always in alone, only it didn't feel that empty.
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm complaining about my life..or just talking about how much it hurts.
So, anyway I listened to music. That's the only therapist I have, the music I listen to. It doesn't always solve my problems..sometimes makes it worse. But when I have nothing/no one else to go to, then technically it's all I have. With that said, today I finally believe I might be the only one in my family that is close to understanding what I'm going through. So I'm alone. Sometimes I want people to be able to try and hear me. Understand me. If I go to my parents, I'm wrong, ungrateful. Nothing wrong with me, it's just the music I listen to, or the shows that I watch.. HOW SHOULD THEY KNOW! I don't talk to them about anything. I try to keep to myself because I always know they're gonna blame me. It hurts, and yet it seems like they don't care. I say it hurts, they say get over it. They say things that basically tell me I'm always wrong they're always right. Fine. What ever.
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm complaining about my life..or just talking about how much it hurts.
So, anyway I listened to music. That's the only therapist I have, the music I listen to. It doesn't always solve my problems..sometimes makes it worse. But when I have nothing/no one else to go to, then technically it's all I have. With that said, today I finally believe I might be the only one in my family that is close to understanding what I'm going through. So I'm alone. Sometimes I want people to be able to try and hear me. Understand me. If I go to my parents, I'm wrong, ungrateful. Nothing wrong with me, it's just the music I listen to, or the shows that I watch.. HOW SHOULD THEY KNOW! I don't talk to them about anything. I try to keep to myself because I always know they're gonna blame me. It hurts, and yet it seems like they don't care. I say it hurts, they say get over it. They say things that basically tell me I'm always wrong they're always right. Fine. What ever.
Replies
I know that this journal entry is a year old, but I just wanted to tell you that although it hurts, our families may never understand what we feel.
I\'m older, but I still long for people to understand that I\'m not, lazy, ungrateful, crazy, etc. My family, the few members that I have, either don\'t want to hear it or think that I can hurry up and \'feel better\'. I\'m just not trying hard enough.
It has only served to frustrate me and make me feel even worse. Thank God, I found this site. I have found understanding and support here, whereas in the \'real\' world or my world, none is to be found.
I can stop trying to explain away everything to them or beg them to talk to me when I\'m feeling low. I just come here. Sometimes I post, other times I offer support when and where I can. That in itself is so very helpful.
By now you\'ve probably gotten things worked out with your family. At least I hope so. If not, I\'m not saying to exclude them in your discussions about your feelings, but don\'t be surprised if they never really get an understanding. I mean in all honesty, it\'s hard for us to understand ourselves sometimes isn\'t?
I send much hope your way! If you ever want to talk, I\'m here.