Muddling Through The Holidays

With so much on my mind lately, I have felt like a yoyo.  One minute all is ok, the next I am feeling incredibly down.  Stbxs words or inactions do sometimes trigger my sadness and anger at myself for continuing to put up with this for so long. Other times it may be hearing or seeing another perfect memory for others ( realizing I have very few like that for myself)


My heart is not really in it this year . Normally I put up the tree and have it lit every minute I am home to enjoy it.  I was planning on putting it up a week or so ago, but the more i thought about it---  I would be lugging it out, assembling, decorating , then taking it back down all by ,myself. Like Usual.  Noone even comes to the house anymore, so I decided not to bother.  I do have a small tabletop tree that I am getting out tonight .  Yesterday I started cookies--- tomorrow will do the other doughs and finish baking on Tuesday when I am off again.   I did keep plugging to do this since people really do look forward to their favorites each year. 


I do feel like I am going through the motions at times (and I know that is no way to survive) but at this point, at least I am able to keep going.   I think to myself of how many others of us do fight with these same feelings...the emptiness-- loneliness---guilt for feeling envious of those who seem to have IT ALL. 


My thoughts and prayers do go out to you all-- as we do stand up to ( and face) our demons and fears and emptiness  and may it help us all to remember that ( when all is said and done) many of us are going through this together.   Wishing ALL of us blessings this holiday season (and always)



Kim

Replies

lb7268
lb7268

Hugs Kim.
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary

Hugs Kim. I am feeling the same. Had to push myself to put up the tree. Even bought all new bulbs and light. The only reason I put it up is my son could be coming with my granddaughter. I will bake sometimes this week. Daughter wants to bring cookies to her school. Try to do things for yourself. You deserve it. No one comes here either, I am doing it for myself. We deserve it.
looking2bhappy
looking2bhappy

Wishing you the strength to get through this holiday season. Do something for yourself, too often we neglect to do things that make us happy.
Hugs,
Kim
finallyawakenow
finallyawakenow

There’s an app called Insight Timer that’s free. Download it, put on some headphones and listen to a meditation guide or inspiration talk. While relaxing focus on your breathing. Be aware and thankful for the gift. This is something nice we can do for ourselves every day. I know all about muddling. Perfected it. Gave it up. In just 8 days we will have almost a minute of light more each day. As our beautiful planet slowly tilts us back toward the sun. These are the dark times and I think it affects us deeply.
veggiequeen
veggiequeen

I do so look forward to those brighter days. The darker, shorter days of winter do actually play a factor already I have my meds increased over the winter. Current dark times are in reality as well as metaphorically . (But determined to make it through. ) I too am going to try to do as you ladies say and do something for myself. You are right it is easy to overlook or take time for ourselves. Will have to check out that app too.
jeffneedshelp
jeffneedshelp

Kim, you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Know that. Someone who was weak would have folded so long ago. You are not only open about your struggles but you help so many in this community. Keep
Your head up. Know that what you write is a lot of what many others here are feeling. I am one of them.
billwfriend
billwfriend

hey happy holidays....I know it is approaching but I cannot feel it right now myself as I am so busy with this house stuff and moving.....it is every moment of my being I feel at times but I am sure that is not true as I sit on my ass too many hours daily still with all that needs to be done....
yorman1
yorman1

Hugs Kim. My prayers are. with you
Deckard
Deckard

I know that I annoyed you with my political beliefs, but I will respond on your post. Christmas is not what it once was maybe? Families grow, and traditions fade. That is if you don't have a new family. Me, I won't have a new family. I understand this. Full-grown trees are a lot of work. Maybe get a mini tree? It only requires one box of oriments (sp).

Sounds like you are getting that baking done, so thats a plus. The smell of baking should be able to cheer up just about anyone. Hang in there.
rmb
rmb

The idea that others have it all is a matter of perception.

I agree that this time of year, the dark, short days, how the holidays seems to heighten everyone’s emotions, from happiness to sadness... it can take a toll.

Get through the holidays and then reset. That’s what I do and pretty much everyone I know does.

Honestly there are so many people who have no one and nothing, no family, no friends, no food, no place on this earth. I can’t fathom their fear and their emptiness. You are in your home making cookies and debating whether to put a tree up... some might say you have it all. Again, a matter of perception.

So take it a day at a time. If going through the motions at the moment helps you get through it things, that’s ok.
BreS43
BreS43

Hugs Kim. I feel so much the same, as you know. My 5 year old is the only reason my tree is up. Try to find one thing that brings you joy this season and focus on that.