Mucky Monday
Just feeling ugh today. Mental more than physically. I have finished most of my laundry and now I am faced with the daunting task of putting it all up. I am just tired inside. My body has the usual aches and pains there but easily ignored. I wasn't able to sleep last night, weird uneventful sleep. Strange dreams that were dark and depressing. I have started my journal and found this support group just basically to feel like I am not all alone in the way I feel on daily basis. Now my husband has something to say about me looking and reading in the morning and writing my journal at night. He made the quip yesterday that he thinks I'm "addicted". Dear lord... if its not one thing its another.
I don't think he realizes how the things that he says hurts. The smart ass remarks about not being a pill popper like me. REALLY, I take the bare minimum that I need to take. I don't take pain killers unless I am in so much pain I am crying in bed. I don't even take meds usually for head aches. Only migraines. When he says that I he wants to know how I feel. He want me to talk about it because "holding it in just hurts you more". Then he rolls his eyes at me when I mention hurting or making that hissing noise when I have that shooting pain that hits from out of no where.
I hate that I feel the way I do. Why doesn't he understand that I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to have constant pain randomly all over my body. I know he didn't ask for it either. I have given him the option of just walking out. What I don't understand is that given the choice, he chose to stay, and now he is acting like I am the biggest burden to ever be saddled with. Don't roll your eyes at me. Don't say you are there for me when you aren't. Don't act like me not wanting to go outside and run around the block and do hurdles, and dodgeball, and basketball is the biggest inconvenience ever.
I don't think he realizes how the things that he says hurts. The smart ass remarks about not being a pill popper like me. REALLY, I take the bare minimum that I need to take. I don't take pain killers unless I am in so much pain I am crying in bed. I don't even take meds usually for head aches. Only migraines. When he says that I he wants to know how I feel. He want me to talk about it because "holding it in just hurts you more". Then he rolls his eyes at me when I mention hurting or making that hissing noise when I have that shooting pain that hits from out of no where.
I hate that I feel the way I do. Why doesn't he understand that I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to have constant pain randomly all over my body. I know he didn't ask for it either. I have given him the option of just walking out. What I don't understand is that given the choice, he chose to stay, and now he is acting like I am the biggest burden to ever be saddled with. Don't roll your eyes at me. Don't say you are there for me when you aren't. Don't act like me not wanting to go outside and run around the block and do hurdles, and dodgeball, and basketball is the biggest inconvenience ever.
Replies
: ( Hope that situation improves sweetie. That is frustrating.
Hi Sonya,
I can really relate to much of what you are feeling and expressing here. I, too, had difficulty sleeping last night - struggling with a migraine. I also get those shooting pains. My son says I sigh a lot! I don\'t even realize I\'m doing it. I have set for myself to walk for 30 minutes everyday, but have not had the energy to get out of bed today. I feel for you and wish there was some wand I could wave to make things better for us both! It seems positive to me that your husband has chosen to stay with you. Maybe he just doesn\'t realize the effect his \"care\" about you has on you. What do you think would happen if you just said, \"Honey, I know you care and it is hard for you to understand without having to walk in my shoes, but it makes me feel worse when you say unkind things about me. It would mean a lot if you could try to express your care in a more positive way.\" So, in other words, make an appeal to his underlying desire to care for you. Sending a hug and a prayer to you this evening!
Ellen
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