Much of nothing

That's about what I feel like at times...Much of nothing....No matter how hard I try to avoid my feelings... they always have a way of surfacing at the oddest times...I feel alone unwanted and unneeded...Most definately  miss understood...............I've watched over the years what some folks will go thru..to avoid being alone..  I don't like being alone...but I'm not hangin around abusive people ...it's not my nature....I tend to abuse myself to not end with feelings of being less than the human ...I wanna be..................I ran from my problems all my life...now I'm too old ..to messed up to run....so I'm backed into my corner... like a wounded animal....  .................Funny how this brings to mind how awful kids can bee...see as a kid in central Texas..   livin out in the sticks....we had loads of fun just catchin wild animules... like possumscoons...  skunks.........lots of times these critters they try to hide in a hole in a tree or trunk of a tree..once upon a time me and couple other buddies...we was messin around  pokin a stick in this hole in the trunk of an old oak tree...yeppers soft... and growlin... so any way the trick is  to use a stick that you can twist up into the fur of the critter and pull em outta that hole..  hehehehe.. mean aint we............well my friend he got this critter all railed upp  in this hole in the oak tree... got a good hold on that critter with the stick twiste up into its hid and fur...fact is its so dang madd now it's nawin on the stick and makin all kinds of racket...me and my friend get a good whiff of what we was dealin with... so we ask our other buddy to hold the stick and got the burlapp bagg ready...the idea was when he yanked that sucker outta the tree was to get it in da bagg as fast as we could with out all those  flashin white teeth puttin holes in our hands  ..... yepp we crazy..  and spooky mean...so we got into position like we was suppose too...had our friend yank that critter out that hole in the tree...and the two of us took off leavin  our friend hold that  critter off with that stick........he jerked that skunk outta that tree trunk... it was madder than an old wet hen...in fact it was so madd it was fightin that stick for all it was worth...our buddy he got this O' chit look on his face..and that skunk he quit fightin that stick and got a good look at our friend....we laughted till we cried...cause that skunk he took after our buddy soon as he chunked that stick and  took off...he ran around that tree maybe  seven to ten times before he climbed it.. that skunk rite on his heels  growlin and barkin  flashin them teeth...well believe it or not  our buddy he found a way to climb a tree I aint never seen before... even suprise that skunk....we laughin so loud... that skunk heard us..  oops gotta go... seems like that skunk chased us for a mile... we ran so hard our sides hurt...I'm so glad they invented Nintendo.... much safer way to play with critters  ....oh yeah we was like around 12 and 13 years old at the time...  our buddy had the last laugh....watchin us run from that big oak tree.......aint life grand... once the tree of us was playin in an old abandon pick up truck  rustin away out in a field... till we found out a raccoon was livin under the seat.. we exited that cab three different ways....at the same time....  jeesh  scares me to think about it... you ever  seen a big old coon madder than all get out...they puff up twice the size.. and sound meaner than a pit bull...hehehe... I got lots of bull stories lol..  Moooooooooooooo.... run guy run...