Much better off than some..
I have spent a great deal of time back on DS in the past month or so & I realize just how beneficial this site has been to me. I have so many great, caring friends on here & truly feel blessed to have them in my life even if it is simply an online basis. Certain people have directly impacted my life through comments & conversations & numerous others have impacted my life through their posts in discussions. I am so grateful for each experience on here & pray daily for all of my DS friends to find happiness in their lives.
Today, just a few minutes ago actually, I read & contributed to the post in BU/D title "Love after 40?".
This thread made me feel very sad for those who responded saying that they feel no hope for love in their lives again. I cannot even imagine having that mindset & not feeling the excitement that I feel when I look forward to what is yet to come.
Like many of my friends on here (& I don't think it is coincidence that we have gravitated towards eachother), I feel that I have been taking the time to work on myself & love myself so that I will be the best partner/mate I can possibly be for my next relationship. My seperation has been a difficult one as I truly did (& will always) love him. But I see now that I was not capable of healthy love with him. I was not ready.. I exploited & manipulated in order to have my needs or wants met. I, in no way, take all the blame for our impending divorce but in famous words used on this forum, "I own my shit".. lol
I have experienced a setback this winter because of a depression that I could not understand. I have now been assured that there seems to be no physiological reason for this so I have started taking an increased dosage of vitamin D & getting outside a bit more through the day. This is helping & I am feeling better. But, I am thankful for this setback & depression because it has forced me to look inside once again & address issues that I had left stagnant. I am working & praying to detach emotionally from my exhusband & honestly can feel that I am so close. I feel happy inside when I look to the future & not experience those tugs on my heart that left unchecked, turn quickly to resentment. I do not want to hate, I do not want to resent him, I do not want the ugliness & darkness that overshadowed my life for so long. I want sunshine & the clouds are parting.
I realize that, for me, a lot of my depression & even resentment still towards him is revolved around things I am still not at peace with in myself. The top one being my weight. This is something that only I have complete control over & I am determined to do something about it.
I have heard for years that a person will do something about their weight only when they are ready & by goodness! I am ready! I had lost 65lbs immediately following my seperation & have now gained 30 of them back. I have been extremely disappointed in myself for this & have caused my own spiral effect. I'm unhappy with my weight, I will eat to feel better & bandaid those feelings. Obviously, this is not working & I need to change that NOW!
So.. I am going to try to figure out how to change my goals on my profile & I am going to do something about my own happiness!!
Today, just a few minutes ago actually, I read & contributed to the post in BU/D title "Love after 40?".
This thread made me feel very sad for those who responded saying that they feel no hope for love in their lives again. I cannot even imagine having that mindset & not feeling the excitement that I feel when I look forward to what is yet to come.
Like many of my friends on here (& I don't think it is coincidence that we have gravitated towards eachother), I feel that I have been taking the time to work on myself & love myself so that I will be the best partner/mate I can possibly be for my next relationship. My seperation has been a difficult one as I truly did (& will always) love him. But I see now that I was not capable of healthy love with him. I was not ready.. I exploited & manipulated in order to have my needs or wants met. I, in no way, take all the blame for our impending divorce but in famous words used on this forum, "I own my shit".. lol
I have experienced a setback this winter because of a depression that I could not understand. I have now been assured that there seems to be no physiological reason for this so I have started taking an increased dosage of vitamin D & getting outside a bit more through the day. This is helping & I am feeling better. But, I am thankful for this setback & depression because it has forced me to look inside once again & address issues that I had left stagnant. I am working & praying to detach emotionally from my exhusband & honestly can feel that I am so close. I feel happy inside when I look to the future & not experience those tugs on my heart that left unchecked, turn quickly to resentment. I do not want to hate, I do not want to resent him, I do not want the ugliness & darkness that overshadowed my life for so long. I want sunshine & the clouds are parting.
I realize that, for me, a lot of my depression & even resentment still towards him is revolved around things I am still not at peace with in myself. The top one being my weight. This is something that only I have complete control over & I am determined to do something about it.
I have heard for years that a person will do something about their weight only when they are ready & by goodness! I am ready! I had lost 65lbs immediately following my seperation & have now gained 30 of them back. I have been extremely disappointed in myself for this & have caused my own spiral effect. I'm unhappy with my weight, I will eat to feel better & bandaid those feelings. Obviously, this is not working & I need to change that NOW!
So.. I am going to try to figure out how to change my goals on my profile & I am going to do something about my own happiness!!
Replies
yep, we are responsible for our own happiness. in the last 4 years I learned how to be happy Alone. I have female Friends, mostly from DS, and some good close male friends that I\'ll be leaving behind for the most part. Love may find me in Florida, but until then, I Love Me and it\'s Okay.