Moving right along

Well, I finally got my mom's life insurance checks - not enough, not what she is worth to me.  I am still working at the same job.  I am trying to eat better and not just junk but I still forget to take my medicine every so often.  I miss my mom being there to remind me of things.  I keep hoping that I'll find a reason to keep going and I want to keep going.  I don't get upset talking about my mom so much anymore and strangely I find that I feel that she is still in my everyday thoughts instead of fading away.  I have dreamed twice that she is still alive and then wakeup and face reality.  I still haven't made any definite decisions about her ashes which are still at the crematory, hopefully.  I don't know if I want to keep them or if I should tell them to scatter them at sea.  The trouble with the scattering is that I can't get out there to supervise things and have no way of knowing if they carried it out.  I have a mobility problem, it is difficult for me to travel because of my health.  I have asked them to deliver her ashes and I haven't heard anything from them.  I just don't know what would be best to do, I'm afraid that I will get upset having her ashes at the apartment.  I guess I don't have closure, there was no funeral.