Moving Forward
My frame of mind is improving. I do still believe I am grieving... but muddling through and as more of my concerns are being addressed and appointments and follow ups are scheduled it is helping. I have alot on my plate that I have to crack down on and do... but I will. I still feel like I am going through the motions...with nothing really exciting ahead to look forward to... but it's ok.
I was thinking about Dave and ( as much as he drove me nuts) what he is now missing. It often seemed to me that he did not much care anymore as things grew harder for him. I still remember his words when I tried to get him (and myself) on track and working on becoming healthier and stronger... "We all gotta die of something. " That was his reasoning for not completely complying with restrictions and things he didn't like. (Like having another cigarette... or some cookies or chips rather than no snacks...) But I also remember the look on his face and tears in his eyes as he struggled that night trying to catch his breath.... and calm down so the EMTs would help him back into bed instead of taking him to the hospital. They heard his fear and did finally comply and help him back into bed... but as they helped him to lay back... the fluid went right to his heart and he lost consciousness. Then we did as we (me, the EMTs , and the Dr consulted) had wanted and knew we needed to do. Just that quick everything changed.
Recently, I was lucky enough to cross paths with someone very special. He was just as unhappily married as I had been for a long time.... and looking for someone to care. Long story short... I believe we both came out of this with a deeper understanding of another's take on thing ( Opposite sex's POV.) Both of us would finally feel cared about, accepted, worthy and loved. For him... everything is coming together. All sort of opportunities and work are coming his way. He now knows that there are others who do love him.
And from him I did also come out feeling just as good. He would help to remind me that I too am worthy and give me a little taste of how a woman should be treated (if she is lucky anyway) There are several others who we are fortunate enough to feel that close to and share that bond. It is quite a good feeling , not just to know someone cares and believes in you.... but to have a handful of others who do love and support us. I have been doing more thinking and know I am glad to have others to care for and about. For me though... I still wish I did have someone special to love. I have all this built up and have never truly been able to give it to anyone. (I would love to find a friend, supporter , confidante and lover... but that does not seem to be found. ) So I too will try to just be content with many who care... instead of one very special to love .
Thanks to all of you who truly do care... and please know I do for you as well. Kim
Replies
Hugs Kim.
For a long time I felt lonely, even with a woman I love. The last few years are giving me a new perspective. I like myself now and that makes it feel like I have a friend who’s always available.
You are certainly grieving still. The shadows of the past will fade and there will be more days when you appreciate yourself. Until a lucky guy comes along give all that love to you.
I’m starting an emt course and joining the local volunteer ambulance. I am happy to help and I know that there will be some difficult calls like Dave’s experience. We’re all people who just want to be happy. However nothing is permanent.
You’re in my thoughts Kim
Hugs
Smiles and lots of hugs, Kim
hey I am here too....can you lean in and hug me? hugs bill
Yes be content with what you have but don't stop reaching for the stars. I know sometimes that's easier said then done (from personal experience). You are such a special person and you have so much to share. I just know that someday you will find someone. I hope it's sooner than later but it will happen. Huge bear hug
I use to feel the same way after my divorce. I found solace in talking to myself as if I was in command of this body I walk around in. Little by little, my love for myself grew as I found pleasure in the little things in life, like.....the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees...Isn't that a song? I don't expect others to make me happy so I make my own happiness and others are quite amused with me :):)
~~~Smile~~~
Bob has said it all. Learn to love yourself. Learn to be your own best friend. I talk to myself too. How do you expect to get an intelligent answer. hehehe You are grieving my friend. Give yourself time. Take as much "me" time as you want and need. We are a work in progress and will always be. Hugs and stay safe.
Hugs.
Mary ( have definitely discovered that secret to "talk to myself". These days it seems the ONLY way to get an intelligent response.)
Bekind... I am thankful for all that I do have (still missing a few that I don't yet... or anymore) You're right though... we can't give up.
Thank you all for your concern and support. It does help to know others care.
Hugs, Kim