Moving Forward

Well it's my 4 month anniversary.  Ken died 3 May 09.  Seems like just yesterday in one way seems like an eternaty since I've kissed my husband.  I really miss him more than I could ever have imagined.  The day has really been a roller coster ride.  Chores early, accountant and financial advisor came over the noon hour.  Went over least I need to sign and everything looks like a go.  Don't know if I can pull this off or not.  My stomach hasn't been this nervous since I was a kid.  Funny that I write that,  Ken called me that since the day we were married.  If he wanted to talk he always called me Kid.  I miss him so.  I am hoping that signing this lease gives me another year to decide where and what I want to be when I grow up.  Finally got all the Tampico farms corn all gone this week, suppose to go on Monday, then they moved it to Tuesday - Six semi loads instead of three like everyone thought (it was all the bottom of bins, so most had to be shoveled).  I really thought I was going to pay for it , I'm really out of shape with the hogs dwindling down.  Then the hogs that were suppose to get loaded tommorrow (Friday) got moved to Wed.  So when I got home from loading corn I got the message and had to go out and mark pigs.  Needless to say I slept well Tue nite.  I had a class last nite, so think I will hit the bed early tonight.  Now I just need to decide if I'm going to keep the cattle, or let them have calves next spring.  Need to go lay down my heart is really aching.