MOVING AGAIN! (Thanks, bean - needed that, again)
My last post... I realized yesterday at work that I'm starting to sound like a parrot, repeating myself, and letting my fear and frustration stop me from moving forward AGAIN.
It was a quiet day yesterday, so I had time to really think about what it is that I'm afraid of. And it turns out it's only 3 things! 3 FIXABLE things!
Fear #1, and my biggest one, is financial insecurity. During the in-between paycheck to paycheck times, I get really overwhelmed with my current circumstances... little savings (and I mean LITTLE) and no back up plan. This HAS to change, because I'm sick of constantly feeling this insecurity - it borders on a panic attack. I set things up so the bank is taking $25 out of my checking account every month and putting it into a savings account to try to improve this, but the more I think about it, it's not enough to satisfy me. So I've decided to put aside another $25 during the month. Money's really tight, but I've been getting by (and staying within a budget), so I think if I don't buy those sodas (or ice cream, lol) every payday, not only do I move closer to defeating this insecurity, but also deal with Fear #2 (more in a bit)! So, $50 a month - much better.... and every other month, I plan to move that $100 into a CD. That way, it's more difficult to access (thereby saving better), AND if I end up needing it, I can borrow on it like it's a payday loan to myself. I'd just pay the bank to "manage" it (really low interest), and pay MYSELF back. AND it gets reported on my credit report - improving it! (That's how I got my credit score up to 690 two years after my 2005 bankruptcy - AND saved the house when the "incident" occurred last year - I had $1000 saved in CDs at that time!) AND, by feeling like I'm DOING something, I can let go of that anxiety!
Fear #2 - Not accomplishing my goal to get fit this year. Being the parrot again (repeating myself), as a "reward" to myself for surviving my first year of being single, lol, I'm definitely going to do the bike race in September again. I've already done it 4 times. Two where I got halfway and had to quit, and two where I finished it. Each time I've done it, I've been 50+ pounds overweight and felt exhausted, frustrated, full of doubts. And once again, I'm 50 pounds overweight. I'm SO sick of it! I want to feel exhausted and pleased with myself, lol. So, my plan for this is.... (A.) An alarm clock for the computer room! I REALLY need to stop being on the computer so long and get to work every day on my fitness! (B.) Daily cardio AND weight training - I feel so much better mentally when I do it daily anyways (and speaking of fitness, I lost 2 inches this week, even with desserts! YAY!) And speaking of desserts, lol, (C.) I can COOK! I'm no longer afraid of creating another oven fire! I've begun cooking healthy meals that I split up into single serving sizes; I stacked them up in containers in my freezer so I can just grab them the night before to thaw, and then they're ready to just warm up at the end of the day during the week. Add in healthy snacks (salads, fruit, granola bars) which are now at home, in my backpack and at the office so I won't feel deprived, AND I've made desserts (like pudding!), so I can have my chocolate, lol, and stay on track because that's all I'm going to have around me! (not just chocolate, silly, healthy foods!) I'm going to embrace my hunger, focus on realizing that cravings mean the full hunger is coming, and that I should wait for the tummy growl... it's been a LONG time since I've had a tummy growl. And yes, Bean, I'll try to remember that I don't have to be perfect, lol. I'll just save the higher calorie dessert cravings for "after exercise" moments, lol.
And Fear #3 - work. The BS with the corp. manager continues.... I was going to post that I don't care, but I do. Yesterday, I was assisting a customer and discovered she changed my fees but "forgot" to tell me... higher fees... way higher... SURPRISE! Yeah, that didn't go over very well with my customer. So, here's how I'm going to deal with it.... I'm going to send the customers to her and the GM when things get testy. Keep myself calm and focused on doing MY job well and not let her attitude poison mine, and leave the "poison" at the office so I can focus on what's important... my home, my dogs and cats, me! And every day I stick to my Fear #1 plan, I get closer to a new career!
And last of all, I'm sorry if I'm driving anyone crazy with my "parrot"... my SAD (seasonal affective disorder) is here.... not bad, just enough to make me feel a little down and frustrated and when I'm down and frustrated I tend to repeat myself often. I'm gonna go hiking and skiing again today for that sunshine - and check out some bike trails out on the plains to see if I can kick it the rest of the way tomorrow (and hey, I don't have to watch the Super Bowl this year, YAY!) Oh, and I saw a Robin yesterday.... biking season is coming, now THERE'S a way to get rid of stress, save money (no fuel costs) AND get fitter!!!
Later!
It was a quiet day yesterday, so I had time to really think about what it is that I'm afraid of. And it turns out it's only 3 things! 3 FIXABLE things!
Fear #1, and my biggest one, is financial insecurity. During the in-between paycheck to paycheck times, I get really overwhelmed with my current circumstances... little savings (and I mean LITTLE) and no back up plan. This HAS to change, because I'm sick of constantly feeling this insecurity - it borders on a panic attack. I set things up so the bank is taking $25 out of my checking account every month and putting it into a savings account to try to improve this, but the more I think about it, it's not enough to satisfy me. So I've decided to put aside another $25 during the month. Money's really tight, but I've been getting by (and staying within a budget), so I think if I don't buy those sodas (or ice cream, lol) every payday, not only do I move closer to defeating this insecurity, but also deal with Fear #2 (more in a bit)! So, $50 a month - much better.... and every other month, I plan to move that $100 into a CD. That way, it's more difficult to access (thereby saving better), AND if I end up needing it, I can borrow on it like it's a payday loan to myself. I'd just pay the bank to "manage" it (really low interest), and pay MYSELF back. AND it gets reported on my credit report - improving it! (That's how I got my credit score up to 690 two years after my 2005 bankruptcy - AND saved the house when the "incident" occurred last year - I had $1000 saved in CDs at that time!) AND, by feeling like I'm DOING something, I can let go of that anxiety!
Fear #2 - Not accomplishing my goal to get fit this year. Being the parrot again (repeating myself), as a "reward" to myself for surviving my first year of being single, lol, I'm definitely going to do the bike race in September again. I've already done it 4 times. Two where I got halfway and had to quit, and two where I finished it. Each time I've done it, I've been 50+ pounds overweight and felt exhausted, frustrated, full of doubts. And once again, I'm 50 pounds overweight. I'm SO sick of it! I want to feel exhausted and pleased with myself, lol. So, my plan for this is.... (A.) An alarm clock for the computer room! I REALLY need to stop being on the computer so long and get to work every day on my fitness! (B.) Daily cardio AND weight training - I feel so much better mentally when I do it daily anyways (and speaking of fitness, I lost 2 inches this week, even with desserts! YAY!) And speaking of desserts, lol, (C.) I can COOK! I'm no longer afraid of creating another oven fire! I've begun cooking healthy meals that I split up into single serving sizes; I stacked them up in containers in my freezer so I can just grab them the night before to thaw, and then they're ready to just warm up at the end of the day during the week. Add in healthy snacks (salads, fruit, granola bars) which are now at home, in my backpack and at the office so I won't feel deprived, AND I've made desserts (like pudding!), so I can have my chocolate, lol, and stay on track because that's all I'm going to have around me! (not just chocolate, silly, healthy foods!) I'm going to embrace my hunger, focus on realizing that cravings mean the full hunger is coming, and that I should wait for the tummy growl... it's been a LONG time since I've had a tummy growl. And yes, Bean, I'll try to remember that I don't have to be perfect, lol. I'll just save the higher calorie dessert cravings for "after exercise" moments, lol.
And Fear #3 - work. The BS with the corp. manager continues.... I was going to post that I don't care, but I do. Yesterday, I was assisting a customer and discovered she changed my fees but "forgot" to tell me... higher fees... way higher... SURPRISE! Yeah, that didn't go over very well with my customer. So, here's how I'm going to deal with it.... I'm going to send the customers to her and the GM when things get testy. Keep myself calm and focused on doing MY job well and not let her attitude poison mine, and leave the "poison" at the office so I can focus on what's important... my home, my dogs and cats, me! And every day I stick to my Fear #1 plan, I get closer to a new career!
And last of all, I'm sorry if I'm driving anyone crazy with my "parrot"... my SAD (seasonal affective disorder) is here.... not bad, just enough to make me feel a little down and frustrated and when I'm down and frustrated I tend to repeat myself often. I'm gonna go hiking and skiing again today for that sunshine - and check out some bike trails out on the plains to see if I can kick it the rest of the way tomorrow (and hey, I don't have to watch the Super Bowl this year, YAY!) Oh, and I saw a Robin yesterday.... biking season is coming, now THERE'S a way to get rid of stress, save money (no fuel costs) AND get fitter!!!
Later!
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