Moving Day
I got all my stuff out & in storage within 2 hours. Everything I own is now in a 10 x 10 shed. I had some friends help. He was nice and helpful. He had everything in the garage and loaded up the U-Haul. It went well. I am so sad.
Goodbye Sweet, Sexy Man, Goodbye Angry, Ugly Drunk. You are so many things to me. You lifted me up so high and beat me down so low. You made me laugh so much and you made me cry even more. I am sad for the plans we made, the things we will never do, but really I don't think we would have done them anyway. I know there is so much good in you. You're destroying it, with your anger and your booze.
In the beginning I loved every second with you. By the end I counted the hours until the days were over. You always asked if I believed in you. I no longer believe in you. I believe you will continue to destroy your self, your relationships, your business and your personality. I've tried everything & I cannot stop you. You always choose your booze over everything. And your booze turns you into someone I never want to be around again. I will forever wish you well. Good Bye
A part of me wants to get in my car & go to him. To cry in his arms and beg him to listen to me, to please try again. I won't. I know that this is my addiction to him. I need that like he needs another drink.
I've moved out of his house, now I just need to move him out of my head.
I've been staying with my daughter & son-in-law for the past few days. In the room next to mine, she is rocking my 1 year old grandson to sleep. Each night her husband comes in and sings to the baby while she rocks.
"all of meLoves all of youLove your curves and all your edgesAll your perfect imperfectionsGive your all to meI'll give my all to youYou're my end and my beginningEven when I lose I'm winningCause I give you all of meAnd you give me all of you"
This is so sweet.
Goodbye Sweet, Sexy Man, Goodbye Angry, Ugly Drunk. You are so many things to me. You lifted me up so high and beat me down so low. You made me laugh so much and you made me cry even more. I am sad for the plans we made, the things we will never do, but really I don't think we would have done them anyway. I know there is so much good in you. You're destroying it, with your anger and your booze.
In the beginning I loved every second with you. By the end I counted the hours until the days were over. You always asked if I believed in you. I no longer believe in you. I believe you will continue to destroy your self, your relationships, your business and your personality. I've tried everything & I cannot stop you. You always choose your booze over everything. And your booze turns you into someone I never want to be around again. I will forever wish you well. Good Bye
A part of me wants to get in my car & go to him. To cry in his arms and beg him to listen to me, to please try again. I won't. I know that this is my addiction to him. I need that like he needs another drink.
I've moved out of his house, now I just need to move him out of my head.
I've been staying with my daughter & son-in-law for the past few days. In the room next to mine, she is rocking my 1 year old grandson to sleep. Each night her husband comes in and sings to the baby while she rocks.
"all of meLoves all of youLove your curves and all your edgesAll your perfect imperfectionsGive your all to meI'll give my all to youYou're my end and my beginningEven when I lose I'm winningCause I give you all of meAnd you give me all of you"
This is so sweet.
Replies
I am . . . so moved, reading this . . . I could have written this journal entry -- I know many of us here could have. Gradually coming to realize that the person you love, the person you see so much good in, is only ever going to destroy themselves. And realizing that if you stick around, they\'re going to drag you down with them and not the other way round. It takes so long to accept this because it\'s the last thing in the world you want to believe. Because there IS good in them. Unfortunately it\'s not enough. They\'re damaged, troubled, sick. Sadly for those who love them, only THEY can heal themselves. I cross my fingers for your ex, for my ex, for all those troubled, tortured people out there whose deep misery forces them to make others miserable in turn -- I cross my fingers and hope to God they find it within themselves to do the work and heal. But in the meantime, you and I and everyone who is being hurt by their maladaptive actions needs to GET AWAY. What I\'ve learned through this is that, if I can\'t protect myself and see to my own wellbeing FIRST, then I\'m absolutely no use to anyone, myself included. Putting self first is not selfish, it\'s essential. Big hug.
Tokyo - last night after writing this journal. I said the Serenity Prayer and I realized for the first time that I\'ve got for right now anyway, \"The Serenity to Accept the Things I Cannot Change.\" I\'ve heard & said the words so many times but I finally get it. I thank God for this serenity & acceptance.