Movement these couple of days.
Yesterday we had a bbq at our place and I was excited about it. I invited some of my friends and my sister invited some of hers. I was excited about it but I was regretful of inviting a friend of mine because I thought I was not feeling well enough and because I felt that he had maintained a distance from me because I confided in him that I was feeling some suicidal thoughts. It made me sad to feel that I am being rejected by my friend because I told him about my suicidal thoughts. It didn't sit well with me.
Anyhow, I was very active yesterday. using a lot of my muscles to carry things around and getting things organized for the bbq. It was fun and I felt today that the activity that I did was very good for my mood and it lifted my mood because maybe Serotonin was released and I was able to release a lot of stress. So that was a positive mood that I felt. I am not sure thought how I will be able to continue doing excercise. I hate sports because it is boring. Running for instance or walking or going to the gym that is all boring, also wanting to do a competitive sport doesn't sit too well with me because I hate the competition that comes with it. I would rather play it for fun and not a lot of people do that. Also I am worried about the team sports because I am not feeling too well socializing with people and I am worried that I will have difficulty with it.
What I found exciting that the work I did was for a reason and that is why I was excited and enjoying the work. It was in a context. it wasn't because I wanted to do excercise so I lift up my mood. It was because I was doing it for a purpose, the bbq. Also maybe I am worried that I will have some of the suicidal thoughts while playing and that will create an increadibly difficult situation while wanting to socialize with others.
I don't know how to stay active and I feel discouraged because I am not sure if it will sustain.
I am grateful that I enjoyed the activity these couple of days and I hope I will have a similar experience soon. Otherwise I am not sure what I could do.
Anyhow, I was very active yesterday. using a lot of my muscles to carry things around and getting things organized for the bbq. It was fun and I felt today that the activity that I did was very good for my mood and it lifted my mood because maybe Serotonin was released and I was able to release a lot of stress. So that was a positive mood that I felt. I am not sure thought how I will be able to continue doing excercise. I hate sports because it is boring. Running for instance or walking or going to the gym that is all boring, also wanting to do a competitive sport doesn't sit too well with me because I hate the competition that comes with it. I would rather play it for fun and not a lot of people do that. Also I am worried about the team sports because I am not feeling too well socializing with people and I am worried that I will have difficulty with it.
What I found exciting that the work I did was for a reason and that is why I was excited and enjoying the work. It was in a context. it wasn't because I wanted to do excercise so I lift up my mood. It was because I was doing it for a purpose, the bbq. Also maybe I am worried that I will have some of the suicidal thoughts while playing and that will create an increadibly difficult situation while wanting to socialize with others.
I don't know how to stay active and I feel discouraged because I am not sure if it will sustain.
I am grateful that I enjoyed the activity these couple of days and I hope I will have a similar experience soon. Otherwise I am not sure what I could do.
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