Move out

2 difficult days passed. I managed not to lie during that time. But it was damn tough. Two days ago we had an argument. About my lies. My Wife accused me that I told a lie I really couldn't tell. On the other hand I told her words, that I regret - I said that maybe I wouldn't lie if she had reacted in other way. That's what I was thinking at the moment. But when I calmed down a little I realized how stupid is what I said. But there are two things You can't stop - words and thrown stones. And they both hurt. I won't quote the whole argument. But I can see, She has got enough of this all.Yesterday night we had a calm talk. Very serious, very difficult. We agreed that I will move out on Friday. She wants a divorce and will go to court somewhere after the Easter. She said she'll not point no one as a guilty one. We have also agreed about many other things. I told Her what I had to say - that I truly regret all that mess I made. And that I hope one day She will be able to forgive me and eventually try once more. She said She doesn't think it is possible and She's not sure if She can trust any man or woman again. I realized how much I hurt Her - and that hurts me too. She also claimed (which is truth of course) that I have very well learned what SHOULD I say to make Her think that I was changing. And now She can no longer believe me. And You know what? I know, that what I was saying was actually very much like what I was saying in the past. But I noticed one difference that ensured me, that this time I was talking not to obtain the effect, but from the deepness of my heart. I didn't want to change Her mind right now. I could cope - for the very first time - with the fact I have to move out. Each time in the past it turned me totally down. But this time not.I still hope, that I'll have enough time to prove I'm changing. That the chance given me by Lord by giving out my lies will let me stay out of the spiral of lies. That I can stay truthful.  And that one day She will forgive me and maybe give me one more, really last chance, that I will not waste this time. But even if I am not given that chance - I will become a better man.  No lies for 2 days. Very difficult days. I will not count the previous days as I couldn't admit about some of my previous lies. This time I don't have to tell more lies. And I will not tell then any more.