Mountain Move

I have always believed in an afterlife. I have always been taught about Heaven and in my deepest of hearts I know my Ken is there. Somewhere within the realm of God, my Higher Being.  Always as a child my belief system never waverEd. I had faith beyond my own age.  The one thing I never understood was when they read the scriptures and said if we have the faith of a mustard seed you can move mountains.  I used to think God, why would I want to move a Mountain. In my childish thoughts I thought a real mountain and yet it still bothered me as I advanced in my life. If you knew me personally I am very naive everyone that knows me says it...however one day I understood that scripture.  So much of us raised in a Christian home as I was took the Bible Literely. In some ways I did, yet in many ways I didn't.  I spent time questioning things. And still do. I am still naive..but I am not a follower...never understand people that are and really glad I feel the way I do. But has my faith been tested. Very much so. I prayed, I believed, I had no doubt that Ken would survive what I finally learned the Scripture meant we faced the hugest mountain that we had to face and after Ken's passing, my mountain became so high, so large, so overwhelming how could I now not know. My mountain didn't stop there. My mountain became larger and larger and I could not see how to ever overcome the mountain...I begin to struggle with my entire belief system...I question Heaven. What is was what it is and where was my Ken.  It ate at me day and night. This has just been building inside my thought process for a long time now until a few weeks ago and I wrote a couple of journals feeling so down, so depressed, so I didn't know where I was or where I was headed or where to go...we here have all faced the highest peaks there are and the lowest. Our mountains we have climbed or are still climbing. Or have not even gotten close to climbing yet outdo any Mountain that will ever be climbed by man or woman in this world. I know I could not climb Mt Everest, but I would have tried to to save my Ken.  But as my thoughts that have rummaged through my brain, my thoughts that has caused me so many times of feeling despair. My mountain has now started to slowly start to come down. By a dear person on our site here shared with me a book. I have only gotten to read a tiny bit as for some reason it will not download but the little part I have read I found my mountain has now become a bit smaller. The dirt is falling as my heart has been encouraged a few words that someone shared in the book and a dear friend on here knew it would give me some peace I have been searching for...to her I say Thank You!!! May our Mountains never get any higher..