mothering, fixing, choices and consequences.
okay. this evening is my scheduled meeting with my therapist. i am thinking about how i want this session to go . i do not like to use this valuable time as a rant session, and my goals for this counseling were to specifically work on diminishing my codependent behavior. in self reflection i realize that i have been able to decrease the aspects of drama that i am responsible for. i am also doing well in keeping my mouth shut and /or stating that certain decisions are his and his alone. i am also doing better at letting him deal with his own feelings and consequences, without intervening. sounds good huh? and it seems to be working with the addiction aspect of our relationship.(so far?)
here is the catch...... i Mother him in so many ways! and he seems to expect it or to rely on it. now i think that in a healthier relationship this sort of advise, discussion, even argument would be more interactive and productive, but here there is no give and take, or balance. i feel like i have become the problem solver. whether in relation to a health issue, scheduling of events, anticipating household issues and having options prepared. he says he "worries about these things all the time ,but does not want to burden me. SO UN-BURDEN ME AND MAKE A PLAN. STOP WORRYING IT IS WASTED TIME AND ACT. looks like i will need to start using my new found skills in other areas of my marriage.
Otherwise things remain calm and positive, both sons found employment (YAY). my husband was even contacted by a company and has had two interviews with them and is scheduling a third. i remain firm in my expectations and boundaries. i have also changed my attitude of "not being lulled into trustfulness " to " keeping him aware that i mean business" by speaking up calmly and firmly when i feel the need and by staying busy outside the house with friends, professional contacts, church, exercise and I EVEN REJOINED WEIGHT WATCHERS!!! another support group lol.
here is the catch...... i Mother him in so many ways! and he seems to expect it or to rely on it. now i think that in a healthier relationship this sort of advise, discussion, even argument would be more interactive and productive, but here there is no give and take, or balance. i feel like i have become the problem solver. whether in relation to a health issue, scheduling of events, anticipating household issues and having options prepared. he says he "worries about these things all the time ,but does not want to burden me. SO UN-BURDEN ME AND MAKE A PLAN. STOP WORRYING IT IS WASTED TIME AND ACT. looks like i will need to start using my new found skills in other areas of my marriage.
Otherwise things remain calm and positive, both sons found employment (YAY). my husband was even contacted by a company and has had two interviews with them and is scheduling a third. i remain firm in my expectations and boundaries. i have also changed my attitude of "not being lulled into trustfulness " to " keeping him aware that i mean business" by speaking up calmly and firmly when i feel the need and by staying busy outside the house with friends, professional contacts, church, exercise and I EVEN REJOINED WEIGHT WATCHERS!!! another support group lol.
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