Mother's Day Weekend
It's so difficult to mark my entries...I want to say it's a general update because it seems like everyday my "general update" is actually me venting my frustration, but unfortunately, I can't put all three down. I want so much to appreciate my mom and at this point I feel like I'm struggling (more or less) to cut the apron strings which seem a lot more like steel cables. I keep saying that I'm going to say exactly what I feel and if it hurts...it hurts, but how can I?? It's Mother's Day weekend and I love my mother so much, I don't want to hurt her. So I'm hurting instead...She doesn't want to let go and I know it's my fault, but it just gets more difficult when I'm trying to change what I made a monster out of.
Since we've moved last year, and because it was abrupt, we all knew that she needed to restart her physical therapy in order for her to strengthen her legs and walk. It's been 8 months now and she hasn't done it and shows no interest in doing so. Seemingly she gets along just enough to get to her appointments etc, so it seems that she's content with that. Besides, she said that she wants to get some other medical needs taken care of first like her teeth and her severe dry skin (psoriasis). I would think that she would have to be able to better ambulate to get to her other appointments, but I guess I'm wrong. Not to mention the fact that she can have more than 1 thing going on and basically had in home physical therapy every other day...so I don't understand why she hasn't made any appointments. I take it that she really doesn't want to do her physical therapy.
Moving right along, I mentioned to her in conversation on yesterday that me and my boyfriend are getting ready to start our weight loss regimen and changing our way of thinking, eating and doing things so that we will have healthier brains and live a lot longer. We are going to go to a fitness center to start working out together. She says to me, yeah it's always good to have someone do exercises with you. Then she says "you and I should go take a walk around the block"...and I'm thinking selfishly because she doesn't want to do any exercises or go to physical therapy UNLESS I go with her, but I've always done everything with her!! When can I do something without her? When will she understand that I would just like to do something that I want to do, the way I want to do it??? That gets me so frustrated. I don't want her to go exercise with me, I want her to do them with a physical therapist or even a friend who can and is willing to take out the time to walk her and walk WITH her...she just needs to have a physical therapist POINT BLANK! She can't do anything without using her crutches, even though she manages to hold a cup in one hand, a bowl in another hand and her crutches under her arm to walk back to her room to eat...so why does she still use the crutches??? I really believe deep down inside that she needs to speak with a specialist about her fears, because that's what I believe is really the issue here, not the fact that she can't walk, because she can. My biggest issue is that I don't want to live with my mother and I don't want her living with me. I want to be able to visit her and her visit me, then we go to our own homes with our own rules.
Since we've moved last year, and because it was abrupt, we all knew that she needed to restart her physical therapy in order for her to strengthen her legs and walk. It's been 8 months now and she hasn't done it and shows no interest in doing so. Seemingly she gets along just enough to get to her appointments etc, so it seems that she's content with that. Besides, she said that she wants to get some other medical needs taken care of first like her teeth and her severe dry skin (psoriasis). I would think that she would have to be able to better ambulate to get to her other appointments, but I guess I'm wrong. Not to mention the fact that she can have more than 1 thing going on and basically had in home physical therapy every other day...so I don't understand why she hasn't made any appointments. I take it that she really doesn't want to do her physical therapy.
Moving right along, I mentioned to her in conversation on yesterday that me and my boyfriend are getting ready to start our weight loss regimen and changing our way of thinking, eating and doing things so that we will have healthier brains and live a lot longer. We are going to go to a fitness center to start working out together. She says to me, yeah it's always good to have someone do exercises with you. Then she says "you and I should go take a walk around the block"...and I'm thinking selfishly because she doesn't want to do any exercises or go to physical therapy UNLESS I go with her, but I've always done everything with her!! When can I do something without her? When will she understand that I would just like to do something that I want to do, the way I want to do it??? That gets me so frustrated. I don't want her to go exercise with me, I want her to do them with a physical therapist or even a friend who can and is willing to take out the time to walk her and walk WITH her...she just needs to have a physical therapist POINT BLANK! She can't do anything without using her crutches, even though she manages to hold a cup in one hand, a bowl in another hand and her crutches under her arm to walk back to her room to eat...so why does she still use the crutches??? I really believe deep down inside that she needs to speak with a specialist about her fears, because that's what I believe is really the issue here, not the fact that she can't walk, because she can. My biggest issue is that I don't want to live with my mother and I don't want her living with me. I want to be able to visit her and her visit me, then we go to our own homes with our own rules.
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