Mother's Day
It's a week filled with advertisements, tv commercials, and many talking about Mother's day plans, luncheons, and the list goes on and on - I'm sure I had my list when.....Jennifer and my mom were earthside. BUT, now here I am hating the very idea that Mother's Day is here, that Mother's Day is stupid, that Mother's Day is.................
Last year I was numb that day - feeling alone, lonely and wanting to go back in time - I watched a movie recently that all you had to do was to go in a closet, clench your fists, close your eyes, and bam! you were back to whatever time you wanted to go back to...of course one situation in the movie was New Years Eve didn't turn out like he wanted it to, so he went back to New YEars Eve and had a "do over" - that's what I want today, a "do over"......Seems I am looking back and I'm feeling not so good about myself as a mom - I know it's a slippery slope and it does me absolutely no good but I find myself there - wanting a "do over" in so many situations......
I was watching TV the other night and a commercial came on about little children picking out gifts for their mom, clearly knowing their mom better than the dad...it reminded me of one Christmas - Jennifer was 9 and her dad & I were divorced. Jennifer saw her dad on week-ends and during the week - Christmas came around and Jennifer asked me, if you could have anything, what would it be? I said, A Dooney and Bourke purse - others had them @ work, so selfishly I said, I want a purse like that. But then I said, it's not something I need and they are expensive, but someday I'll have one.....that precious daughter, told her dad and that Christmas, I opened up a package to a beautiful hunter green, taupe, dooney bourke purse......I still have that purse along with the note - Merry Christmas, Mommy....I love you so much......I can smile now with my tears......it's a sweet memory but I want it again to be in the now....I want it now........
Yep, Mother's Day brings it all out - the good, bad and ugly.......This year at church they are having a photo booth, crepe center celebrating Mother's....I think I may stay home - seeing everyone taking family photos is sometimes too painful and I become so envious...I was so hoping this year I would be able to stand strong, and say, I'm a mom, yep....let's celebrate Jennifer who made me a mom - but I'm afraid, this might not be the year again......I don't feel strong.....I feel like a mom broken into a million pieces .......and why take a picture of that? I feel it everyday.......
Jim being gone this week on a motorcycle trip is giving me quiet and peaceful time with my fur babies which I so much needed. I'm grateful for what I do have and I'm grateful for you, sisters of the heart, on this Mother's Day.
Hugs and so much love and understanding come your way.....Vicki, Jennifer's mom
Replies
It's all too much for me too. Sending you positive thoughts, a flashlight to get just one more foot in front of the other. Love the purse story, such a sweetie that Jennifer! DEFINITELY LOVES HER MOM!
Hi Vicki, I think it's ok to give yourself permission to avoid any Mother's day festivities that make you uncomfortable or just plain hurt. I have not been to church on Mother's day since Eddie passed & Ken and I don't go on Father's day either. Our church gives out a carnation to each mom (or future mom) on Mother's day. As the mom of an only child, I just can't go. Not that Mother's day is easy for moms of more than one child if one of them resides in heaven. And I know you are missing your mom too. I'm not close to my mother so I've never spent time with her on Mother's day. Out of a sense of duty I bring her a card and a present the day before and she promptly criticizes whatever I give her. I've learned to let it roll off my back & I just tell her to go ahead & give the gift away.
So, I'm with you - not looking forward to Sunday at all. If my grandchildren want me to be a part of something on that day, I usually participate because I'm grateful I have them & grateful to be thought of.
Do whatever you need to do to have the most gentle day possible for yourself.
I completely understand the desire for a "do over." I struggle with this too. How I wish I had done so many things differently. But the truth is, if we had known better, we would have done better. Be kind to yourself.
Your Christmas memory of dear Jennifer's thoughtfulness is beautiful. I love how she remembered and had her dad get that purse for her. ♡
I'm grateful for you my friend. Have a peaceful day on Sunday. We walk together.
Love to you and dearest Jennifer, Linda ♡
Mothers day is sad and depressing for me. You have such beautiful past memories! Lots of loving hugs to you, Vicky! xxx
And I am thankful for you Vicki. I go down that slippery slope too. But mostly, I am okay. I do hate Mother's Day. The morning shows were showing what folks should cook, buy and do for their moms.
The memories are wonderful but they ended too soon.
Love and tight hugs to you and Jennifer from Lisa and me
I'm with you in the "do over" department and then some! I believe it comes with motherhood whether our children remain earth side or not and compounded that much more when they are not still with us in the ways always hoped and wished for.
I say you do whatever you need to do to navigate Mother's Day and that is what we will do. It has never been a favorite of mine either and we actually really "down played" it when the children were young because Sarah's birthday is always so very close to it if not on the actual day. She was born on Friday, May 10th in 1985, and I took her home from the hospital on Mother's Day which was the 12th that year. I will always remember coming home with the very sweetest gift a mom could ever BE given.
Oh, what a precious story about the purse that Jennifer chose for you. I'm sure you look at it and are transported in time. What a darling soul she is to have been wanting you to have your "dream" gift!
I'm happy to know that you are having some quiet days as I'm sure they are very much needed after packing up your former digs and moving. That IS always a lot of work!
Gentle and loving care Jennifer's mom from Douglas and me,
XO Joanie
Dear Vicki, yes I understand the feeling of wanting a do over...there are so many things I'd do differently, from the time when Jenn and Kate were small...up to the time I wanted to have Jenn see a different doctor but kept my mouth shut since she liked hers. And more recently with Jims illness...sigh...many
I love the story of your purse..you must treasure it so.
Don't feel the need to go to church Sunday if it'll make your heart hurt...there is enough of that.
Love and hugs, MaryLou...Jenns mom forever
Hi Vicki,
I understand because I'm another one who can't go to church on Mothers Day; it's just too hard for me. As Marlene says above, "The memories are wonderful but they ended too soon". That they did. I guess they did for all of us. Charlie used to always get me really mushy cards for Mothers Day, birthday- you name it. I saved all of his cards. What I wouldn't give to get a mushy card from him again.
I love your story about the purse and how sweet Jennifer was to want so much for you to have it. I'm sure it's a precious memory for you. Glad you are getting to spend some extra time with your fur babies. Sometimes that is just what the doctor ordered!
Hope you have some God winks with both Jennifer & your Mom this weekend.
Love to Jennifer and you from Charlie & me, Donna
I too so very much get it, and OH how I've screamed and begged for a do over!!!
My first few Mother's Day's after Kala's accident were far from celebratory. Out of love and duty, I would join in the luncheon planned for my sweet Mother in-law, but it was SO hard to have polite conversation and smile and eat a meal when all I wanted to do was cry and scream and throw things. My own mom left earth 2 years before Kala. Many years I sat between the two graves on Mother's Day....
Only you know what feels right, feels helpful, healing, for you. And there is no judgement for any decision you make as to how to spend the day. So you do, or don't do, whatever YOU need that day and know it is enough and Jennifer LOVES you so very much and whether you "see" or "feel" her, she IS right there with you.
Gentle hugs and lots of love sweet friend~
Teri
I would love a do-over...for the smiles, laughs, jokes...and even his damn farts....
Love you , and gentle hugs my friend as we attempt to navigate yet another mothers day...
AnnM
Oh how I wish we could all get a do over! Since we know we cannot have that, know you are not nor will ever be by yourself or alone. I know sometimes it feels like we are but we aren’t
Hugs and love
Terri Tony’s ma
Mother's day has come and gone and I am glad it is over for another year!! OHHHH, how I would love a do over. So many things I could have done differently and so much better... I just hope and pray that my son "really" knew how much I loved him.
Hugs to Jennifer and you, from Dean and me ((((HUGS)))), Julia