Mother\'s Day

 I've been in a slump now for the past few weeks. I've tried so hard to get out of it but no matter what I'm just not my usualy self. Since March I've been on a downward spiral of me keeping myself together. March i had to go through my mom's birthday and the month that she slipped into a coma. April is the month she died, my brother died last year, and May is the month i lost my grandmother right after my mom. Any now here is Mothers day. Ughh.. I just wish i could take my emotions and through them out the window. I can't talk to anyone because I do not think anyone would understand where I am coming from. So, i'm here again trying to cope. I feel so upset right now and I dont' want to be upset anymore. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to feel sick anymore from thinking about how they are no longer here. I want to be able to handle it, feel sad about it, and then be okay. Its been 7 years for my mom and grandmother now. I should be better than i am at this. It is defintely better. I don't cry all day anymore or every other day anymore. Just Mother's Day is horrible for me. Instead of me being able to be a mother and happy and loving. I'm dieing on the inside. I'm just feeling horrible. I come home from work and I hug my kids. Thats the only thing that makes me feel the least bit better. I can't go to the store because all i see is "happy mother's day" and it hurts each time i look at it. This year I didn't get a mothers day card for my aunts or anyone. i just couldn't go pick anything out. I feel defeated right now. I feel alone. I feel really really alone.