Mother's Day

Well my first Mother's Day without my son Eddie being physically here is approaching.
How ones life can change in an instant. Eddie died suddenly & I know some folks have the added pain of watching a child lose their life due to an illness. My granddaughter's 18th birthday & 1st birthday without her Dad was Sunday. We all cried & my granddaughter Christina said, "Sometimes I feel like I can't do this anymore." She & my grandson Josh were so close to their Dad. I tried to validate her feelings & we talked for hours, but I feel so helpless. I know I can't take their pain away. I just so wish I could. I wish I didn't have to suffer this way too.
I pray a lot & the Lord helps me. I wish for all my sisters here a peaceful Mother's Day.
Please God, tell Eddie I love him & miss him so. I am doing my best to help Josh, Christina & Elaine through this ordeal. Please Lord give me the strength.,peace & healing. In Jesus name.
Love you, Eddie.
 
 

Replies

Sandi2947
Sandi2947

Hi, yes you are right about the different types of deaths. They say we are never ready anyway any how. I watch my son lose his speech, sitting on the edge of the couch crying, cause he could not tell me he needed to go go to the bathroom. Watching him rub his head wondering what is happening. Trying to give signals for a glass of chocolate milk. The last 3 months of his life not knowning the cancer had gone to the brain, watching him slowly go down till the day he died. Those are they types of pain I live with , not knowing what is wrong, not no one telling us or running test. But on the other hand, a sudden death, different ways have to leave everyone guessing, wanting answers. There really maybe is no answers for anyone. I don\'t know but I do know watching Ken in such horrible pain for 2 years and 20 days haunt me to no ends. I still can not believe he is gone. I can\'t believe nothing will be right anymore. I know you and your family is in much pain. Sometimes, I just wish there was no such thing as Holiday\'s. It would be easier. Mother\'s Day is every day, whether our child is older or young, we worry, we fret, we check on them as my one son say when he leaves my house \"I know mom, Look both ways\". So no matter how old they are everyday we are mom\'s. I wish you didn\'t have to suffer too, I know my family is suffering too. Life just don\'t seem right anymore. I hope you find the strength for the next coming days. It\'s rough, I know they are still in our hearts, but I am sure as you I just want to hear his voice, hold his hand, hear the words love you. Bless you dear friend.
Sandi
deleted_user
deleted_user

God is with us all the way...this storm is unsettling and constant .....I miss my son every minute but I do know I will see him again one day...and that day can\'t get here fast enough. I pray you will have a decent, possibly smooth MD...one thing we all will remember is we are all mothers because we gave birth to these wonderful lives....gifts from God....Love to you and your whole family. Dale, Brandon\'s Mom
JFandMDmom
JFandMDmom

On top of your sadness and pain, I\'m sure it must be so hard to see Josh and Christina hurting. I\'m glad you all have each other and continue to communicate...even when it\'s so sad and painful. Sending love and peace to you, Valerie
deleted_user
deleted_user

As I think about your comment, in a sense, I lived through both scenarios and they were both awful. Anything that ends in untimely death is awful. Losing Eddie the way you did was a terrrible shock, especialy when Eddie didn\'t really have a history of anything more than sore knees and back.I\'m sure you\'ve said over and over. \"It just makes no sense...\" I don\'t think you can ever be prepared for it. Mike was sick for 6 yrs before his death. Actually for the last yr we thought he had things pretty well under control so his death was a huge shock. Three yrs earlier we might have understood better.

with regard to Sandi\'s comment about doctors and how they don\'t always keep you informed, if you are dealing with a minor child, who has an illness, at least you might feel like you have some say over treatment, but nowdays, once they hit 18, doctors are terrible about telling you anything because of those abominable HIPPA laws. In my son\'s case, the first really serious damage had been caused by a doctor because Mike at 22 didn\'t think he needed to consult either parent for advice before going along with his doctor\'s suggested (insane) course of treatment(Narcotics.) Mike Learned from experience, when he saw the mess he\'d gotten himself in. After that, he did ask for our help. Sometimes after that, doctors WOULD tell us what was going on, probably because Mike signed a waiver allowing doctors to talk to us. But I realized too late that 3 doctors at 3 different clinics had told us all (the same) incorrect information. None of them were bone doctors. We were so focused on undoing the mess the first doctor had caused, keeping him clean and alive and dealing with the pain and some of the peripheral issues, that we neglected trying to deal with the bone issues because all three internists had said no one treated Mike\'s problem (avascular necrosis) until the patient was in their 40\'s or 50\'s because it requires a hip transplant and they only last about 20 yrs so they don\'t want to do them on 20 yr olds... We never thought to take him to a bone doctor and get a 2nd opinion. But I had to see one 3 months before Mike died, and asked out of curiosity and was told that wasn\'t necessarily true. We just never had enought time to get the appointment scheduled before he died. I found out on line after he died that The Mayo Clinic frequently puts patients like Mike (you are not going to believe this) ON CRUTCHES for several months, and frequently, by removing the pressure from the hips, a healing process begins and no hip replacement is ever required!!!

As Mother\'s Day approaches, I guess we have to accept the weird nonsensical reality that defines this part of our lives and just try to go forward...AS Karen--Biowoman always says, \"Babysteps.\" Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, even if somedays you have to do it by crawling... Love to you, Cherie
biowoman
biowoman

The firsts are so hard...it is more of the \"unexpected\"...you anticipate things and emotions. Please remember that often the day is easier than you expect. I think that we are actually going through the emotions, the memories ahead of time...so once the day comes it is n\'t as bad...I hope so for you. Take care and love to you...Karen
KandL
KandL

Thank you dear sisters for all your love, kindness & support. I consider each & every one of you a gift from my son. (and of course God) Love you.
CorriesMom
CorriesMom

Every loss of a child brings its own set of questions and miseries and \"if onlys\". There is no \"good\" or \"preferable\" way to lose a child. For now we\'ll just hang on and walk through the difficult next couple of days together.

Sending thoughts of blessings and peace to you ~ Debbie
ihart
ihart

The dreaded what if\'s I think hits all of us no matter how our child dies. One baby step at a time my friend. Hugs, Inga