Mother (and I use the term loosely)
So my mother is at it again. She started her shenanigans complaining about my grandchildren, me and even my poor son how we didn't and don't do this and that for her. She had done this several weeks ago too & I have barely talked to her as I had decided after a year of her saying cruel things to me about Eddie's passing etc. and I had gotten a lot of support from all of you when I had journaled about this in the past and the advice I got to stay away from her was invaluable.
So she calls me last night to tell me that, in a nutshell, she has now written me a nasty letter & sent it in the mail. I had sent her a Christmas card last week & said I would drop by for a few minutes on Christmas & say hello. This was not good enough for her and she wanted to know why I didn't put a check in it and "Now you're not even giving me a gift?" The history of this is that I always give her $100.00 for Christmas, in cash, because it is hard for her to get out to the bank to cash a check. My plan was to drop by on Christmas, bring her some food and the $100.00. I sent a card because I thought she may enjoy receiving one as they brighten my day when I receive one. As always this isn't good enough for her. She began to complain that because, poor Eddie died that I am "punishing her". What??!! Then she went on to say that she has been nothing but good to Christina and Josh, but if "they don't care about me and respect me then that's OK."
I asked her why she continually upsets me and why she wants to cause me additional pain when I am in so much pain already and she said that she has never said anything cruel to me or caused me any pain and that I made all those things up. I told her I cannot have this conversation again and said, "goodbye" and hung up. Ken said, "She is really out of her mind." I said , "Yeah, she was fun to grow up with - that's why I needed years of therapy." I am so angry at life sometimes. I was finally at a place in my life, after much therapy and fighting depression that I felt strong and optimistic and like I was actually healed from childhood traumas. Then my poor beloved Eddie dies. And again fighting, fighting the depression and trying not to fall into an abyss of despair. Not to make it all about me as my mother would. I do greive for my son that his life was cut short. But I grieve for me also. I got robbed of years with him. Life dealt me and all of my sweet sisters here the worst blow we could've received and I am angry.
Thank you for listening. I will be better tomorrow. Maybe....Hopefully....
At least more peaceful tomorrow. I wish all of you peace, too.
So she calls me last night to tell me that, in a nutshell, she has now written me a nasty letter & sent it in the mail. I had sent her a Christmas card last week & said I would drop by for a few minutes on Christmas & say hello. This was not good enough for her and she wanted to know why I didn't put a check in it and "Now you're not even giving me a gift?" The history of this is that I always give her $100.00 for Christmas, in cash, because it is hard for her to get out to the bank to cash a check. My plan was to drop by on Christmas, bring her some food and the $100.00. I sent a card because I thought she may enjoy receiving one as they brighten my day when I receive one. As always this isn't good enough for her. She began to complain that because, poor Eddie died that I am "punishing her". What??!! Then she went on to say that she has been nothing but good to Christina and Josh, but if "they don't care about me and respect me then that's OK."
I asked her why she continually upsets me and why she wants to cause me additional pain when I am in so much pain already and she said that she has never said anything cruel to me or caused me any pain and that I made all those things up. I told her I cannot have this conversation again and said, "goodbye" and hung up. Ken said, "She is really out of her mind." I said , "Yeah, she was fun to grow up with - that's why I needed years of therapy." I am so angry at life sometimes. I was finally at a place in my life, after much therapy and fighting depression that I felt strong and optimistic and like I was actually healed from childhood traumas. Then my poor beloved Eddie dies. And again fighting, fighting the depression and trying not to fall into an abyss of despair. Not to make it all about me as my mother would. I do greive for my son that his life was cut short. But I grieve for me also. I got robbed of years with him. Life dealt me and all of my sweet sisters here the worst blow we could've received and I am angry.
Thank you for listening. I will be better tomorrow. Maybe....Hopefully....
At least more peaceful tomorrow. I wish all of you peace, too.
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