Mostly getting emotions out
Time moves so slowly in the 2WW. Seriously, I think it slows down. I'm a big Dr. Who fan and he said that time isn't linear, it's a big mess of wibbly, wobbly, timey-wimey...stuff. So, I think I'm stuck on an infinite loop, just going round and round and round.
I especially hate it now - since I thought I was done with the hell of the 2ww. I get so crabby, emotional, nervous, etc. I just want to lock myself in a room, by myself, and wait it out. Where no one can ask me for lunch or dinner or clean clothes or sex. Don't they know that my entire life and mental well being hangs in the balance?!
AF is due on Thursday. The day before our 5th anniversary. DH is not happy about that. I told him he better just have gotten me pregnant then.
Some moments I could swear I'm pregnant. Others I'm sure I'm not and I'm just imagining things. Last Monday, I felt a very sharp twinge in my lower left uterus area. Then I was crampy all day. The next day, my breasts started getting sore. I'm not sure if they have continued to actually get sore or if it's just from me squeezing them to see if they are sore. Which DH likes. He keeps catching me feeling myself up, checking for soreness. I'm also very tired and beyond hungry. Like waking up in the middle of the night hungry.
It feels just like last time. Which scares the shit out of me. So much anxiety.
What if I'm not and this is all just my damn imagination? Or wishful thinking?
What if I am and it ends the same way?
There's no winning in this cruel joke of nature, the 2ww. There's no escaping it, no speeding up time, no exit, no express lane. Just the slow tick of the clock. Driving me to the nuthouse.
I especially hate it now - since I thought I was done with the hell of the 2ww. I get so crabby, emotional, nervous, etc. I just want to lock myself in a room, by myself, and wait it out. Where no one can ask me for lunch or dinner or clean clothes or sex. Don't they know that my entire life and mental well being hangs in the balance?!
AF is due on Thursday. The day before our 5th anniversary. DH is not happy about that. I told him he better just have gotten me pregnant then.
Some moments I could swear I'm pregnant. Others I'm sure I'm not and I'm just imagining things. Last Monday, I felt a very sharp twinge in my lower left uterus area. Then I was crampy all day. The next day, my breasts started getting sore. I'm not sure if they have continued to actually get sore or if it's just from me squeezing them to see if they are sore. Which DH likes. He keeps catching me feeling myself up, checking for soreness. I'm also very tired and beyond hungry. Like waking up in the middle of the night hungry.
It feels just like last time. Which scares the shit out of me. So much anxiety.
What if I'm not and this is all just my damn imagination? Or wishful thinking?
What if I am and it ends the same way?
There's no winning in this cruel joke of nature, the 2ww. There's no escaping it, no speeding up time, no exit, no express lane. Just the slow tick of the clock. Driving me to the nuthouse.
Replies
I think sore boobs is a great sign, and I laughed at how DH keeps catching you feel yourself up :) I really hope this is it for you girl!!
Even though we are currently expecting, I can still relate to your 2ww emotions. Those emotions don\'t just go away, unfortunately - you remember them. But I will say that you should not compare your first pregnancy to a subsequent one. With our first, my boobs hurt so bad I couldn\'t stand it and that was even after the fetus became unviable. My body tricked me. Now with this pregnancy, they have barely hurt, barely gotten any bigger, etc. At about 7 weeks I thought they actually deflated and I flipped out thinking we were gonna have a 2nd miscarriage. Your body can be very cruel and trick you into thinking things that are not true. So hang in there - take it one day at a time and try to enjoy your anniversary as much as you can. And I do love the story of your DH catching you feeling yourself up, that\'s something that would happen to me.
Thanks ladies for the positive thoughts. It always helps with the anxiety just to hear some encouragement.