Morning Pain 12/29/2013

So last night and early this morning the chronic pain was bothering me. I didn't use the pain meds but I used a pain cream that helped a bit. It's some what tolerable currently but it feels like it could flair up again.
I'm so tired of this. Mentally I feel like I could actually be okay but this chronic pain is like climbing up a latter out of the pit only to be kicked in the face and knocked back down. I do thank God that mentally I'm not as far down as I was a few weeks ago.
If I only had better control over the symptoms I would at least feel I have some control which would cause less mental stress. Basically no matter what I do or what meds I take the pain just there making me feel totally helpless and hopeless.
Never having true relief scares me. How do I go on living with constant torment from this physical pain? It just feels so unfair but I know that life is not fair so I suffer on and pray that some day God grant me release from this physical torment.
In an attempt to be positive my mental state is much better. I feel so close to breaking free of this bout of depression but this damn chronic pain won't let me out. Jan 7 is my followup with the pain doc. I can only pray to God that he has some new ideas. Actually I pray to God this pain is gone by then...is that too much to ask?
The docs aren't sure of the cause but they feel it will get better with time. I hold onto that hope like a drowning man holds on to a life rope but I fear the life rope is slipping.
Have faith, trust in God, trust this affliction is a life lesson for my future. THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!!