Morning anxiety

I feel a lot of anxiety in the morning after I awaken. I thought hard about it. Why do I have anxiety almost every morning? It's b/c I don't want to leave the safety of my place. If I had it my way I would never leave my place. My mom told me she had an Aunt the never left her house. She worked out of her house. She owned her own hair salon.I think it's my inner child that has healed yet. I have a lot of work to do on myself. What do I want for myself? I smoke a blunt in the morning and get on the chat line hoping I can find a guy like my uncle to rape me over again. Funny. My co-worker who I've talked about riding bikes together around one morning. He asked me if I wanted to go play some basketball after dinner. I declined and gave a half azz excuse. I was worried that there would be a bunch of guys out there playing ball. I'm not good in groups. I would be scared around them.  I wouldn't fit in. I think I worried my co-worker w/ my answer. He'll probably never call me. I'm not attracted to him physically. He's a handsome small und I am guy. I'm physically attracted to big  hat can dominate me. Lol