Mornings
I wake up every morning and realize I am alone, until the cat carries on to be fed. I am hoping my mornings get easier, because I am really not alone, nor lonely.
This morning I woke up with the feeling I was unwanted and unneeded. Scared me to death! I counteracted the thought with the people who do want and need me, and there are quite a few.
I guess I am still adjusting to living alone, even though it has been 2-1/2 years. I love sharing our bed with the cat, but it's just going to be the cat.
I pray to God to show me a life purpose. A new love is out of the question as I have no interest unless it could be you. I have been told by the professional that I can lead a fulfilled life living solo. Just wish these bad thoughts would get lost.
This morning I woke up with the feeling I was unwanted and unneeded. Scared me to death! I counteracted the thought with the people who do want and need me, and there are quite a few.
I guess I am still adjusting to living alone, even though it has been 2-1/2 years. I love sharing our bed with the cat, but it's just going to be the cat.
I pray to God to show me a life purpose. A new love is out of the question as I have no interest unless it could be you. I have been told by the professional that I can lead a fulfilled life living solo. Just wish these bad thoughts would get lost.
Replies
Debbie, I pray that those bad thoughts will get lost too. With the counselor and meds, you are taking control of your life. My worst time was around 18 months.(It has been 3 yrs. now) I too just wanted to find my purpose in life, as my life was over as I knew it. I kept asking God to show me what his will was for me. I felt it was to help others, but didn\'t know where to begin. My Dr. said I should work with Hospice as I was a good listener and related easily to other people. I was going to work in a Hospice Center, just to help out part time and be there if somone wanted to talk. I was going to work with the families, not patients,as I was afraid working with patients so soon would depress me. Anyway, the week I was to start is when I found out I had stage 4 cancer, so that ended that. Again, I asked God to show me my purpose for however long I had left. That was a year ago.I have lived longer than they said I would,I live alone,and still take care of myself, so we never know what the next day holds. I love owning a home a taking care of it, even with all the things that go wrong from time to time. I miss Donald terribly and knew from the beginning that I had no desire to try to ever remarry or have anyone else in my life.Like you, if I was lonely it was only for Donald. This jorney has been harder than I could ever have imagined, but, for me, I just woke up one morning and knew I felt more like my old self.I still have grief attacks but they no longer scare me. I know it will pass. Grief is so different for each of us.I am just glad you seem to be making progress with the things you are doing to get on top of things. There are plenty of people who stay on anti depressants for the rest of their lives. We have to do whatever we have to do to survive and also enjoy life.God is holding your hand and guideing us through this Hell and any other things we go through. You have a lot of people praying for you and that have walked the path you are on,therefore we know how you feel. May God continue to lead you and to show you what your purpose is now.....Good luck on your healing..Take Care & Peace & comfort to you.......Jerrie
Jerrie, thank you so much for your kind words and I am so sorry about your diagnosis, but you sound like you are doing well, thank God. I ask God to show me my purpose now. Jerrie, I really just want to be me now. No one\'s companion, no one\'s girlfriend, and no one\'s wife. I have a husband - I am still a wife. I ask God to fulfill my life with other things until such time as I can be joined with my husband again.
Had a good cry on the way to work, talking to my husband, and it felt good.