more things to worry about
So today in my life was good. Andre and I were able to discuss some things very openly and hosestly and it felt really good. Unfortunately my family and friends in NY were not having such a great day. I am from the Binghamton, NY area and if anyone has been following the news they are aware of the mass flooding and destruction that is happening there. It is so crazy to me and I wish I was there to help. So although I felt a little less helpless in my own relationship, I felt completely helpless when it came to my family. My stomach is still in knots and I cant eat anything with it making me feel like I am dying. So there's that. Right now, all I have been able to stomach is water...Im still gonna try to go running tonight if I can.
I didnt sleep hardly at all last night. Part of the reason for that was that Andrea asked if she could sleep in our bed instead of the spare room. I dont know if it is because the air mattress that she slept on the night before wasnt hold air or if she wanted to be close to me or maybe some combination of the two. Dont get me wrong there was no cuddling or even touching and our pitty slept in-between us the whole night. Having her right there and not being able to snuggle up next to her was harder than having her in another room. All I did was stare at her, thinking about how I felt and how quickly things changed, and if I was ever going to hold her again. So as you could imagine there was a lot of silent crying going on.
I told her we could rotate who slept in the spare room if she didnt want to sleep in the same bed but she said no. I didnt fight it because honestly I am hoping that maybe she is realizing that she can have space and do separate things without having to cut herself out of the relationship completely. Today she said she really wanted to work it out but that may change tomorrow.
I did get upset with her because when I got home I saw that she had bought something else. Pretty much everyday it has been something new; jeans, shoes, jewelry...I know she is trying to find herself but I am afraid for our still current bank account. She says I can go shopping if I want but I know that we both cant be out spending money like water, we are grad students for christ's sakes. To be cont. she just got home...
I didnt sleep hardly at all last night. Part of the reason for that was that Andrea asked if she could sleep in our bed instead of the spare room. I dont know if it is because the air mattress that she slept on the night before wasnt hold air or if she wanted to be close to me or maybe some combination of the two. Dont get me wrong there was no cuddling or even touching and our pitty slept in-between us the whole night. Having her right there and not being able to snuggle up next to her was harder than having her in another room. All I did was stare at her, thinking about how I felt and how quickly things changed, and if I was ever going to hold her again. So as you could imagine there was a lot of silent crying going on.
I told her we could rotate who slept in the spare room if she didnt want to sleep in the same bed but she said no. I didnt fight it because honestly I am hoping that maybe she is realizing that she can have space and do separate things without having to cut herself out of the relationship completely. Today she said she really wanted to work it out but that may change tomorrow.
I did get upset with her because when I got home I saw that she had bought something else. Pretty much everyday it has been something new; jeans, shoes, jewelry...I know she is trying to find herself but I am afraid for our still current bank account. She says I can go shopping if I want but I know that we both cant be out spending money like water, we are grad students for christ's sakes. To be cont. she just got home...
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