More than 4 years
And so it goes on
It has been more than 4 years since my divorce and the world is a different place. Gone is the agony, the gnashing of teeth, the figurative flailing about just trying to find a way to make the pain stop. Oh god, it hurt so very bad.
So, what's up?. Well, I survived. Most do, divorce doesn't it kill us outright, it just kills some of our inside, our heart. I wil never be the same, never feel love the same way. Just too much trauma. Now that said, that does note mean I won't love or be loved. Heck, I started young, grew up most of my adult life with her, then just when things should been getting good, she needed a new life. But I can love, do love and it feels pretty good. I don't have the clinging on for dear life attitude any more, but I can treat a woman pretty darn good. Divorce made me steer clear of drama and hurtful people, and towards folks who need a good companion, who can give and take in equal measures.
I am more successful than I ever was, the bills get paid instead of bill collectors being paid to call. My life overall is pretty darn good and I am happy, I laugh easily and take good measure of what life has to offer.
I am back here after a long absence on a whim. Went to hug someone who never even new I was watching her daily blogs and found a couple folks by chance that are exactly like I was just a few years back. I am writing more to give them hope than for myself. Heck, I am doing pretty well, feeling fat and happy.
But the day after she told me she wanted a divorce, if you had asked me then, I would have told you I thought I would die from the pain.
The pain you feel today will make you a lot stronger
It has been more than 4 years since my divorce and the world is a different place. Gone is the agony, the gnashing of teeth, the figurative flailing about just trying to find a way to make the pain stop. Oh god, it hurt so very bad.
So, what's up?. Well, I survived. Most do, divorce doesn't it kill us outright, it just kills some of our inside, our heart. I wil never be the same, never feel love the same way. Just too much trauma. Now that said, that does note mean I won't love or be loved. Heck, I started young, grew up most of my adult life with her, then just when things should been getting good, she needed a new life. But I can love, do love and it feels pretty good. I don't have the clinging on for dear life attitude any more, but I can treat a woman pretty darn good. Divorce made me steer clear of drama and hurtful people, and towards folks who need a good companion, who can give and take in equal measures.
I am more successful than I ever was, the bills get paid instead of bill collectors being paid to call. My life overall is pretty darn good and I am happy, I laugh easily and take good measure of what life has to offer.
I am back here after a long absence on a whim. Went to hug someone who never even new I was watching her daily blogs and found a couple folks by chance that are exactly like I was just a few years back. I am writing more to give them hope than for myself. Heck, I am doing pretty well, feeling fat and happy.
But the day after she told me she wanted a divorce, if you had asked me then, I would have told you I thought I would die from the pain.
The pain you feel today will make you a lot stronger
Replies
You\'re back her for a reason and perhaps it\'s to help the ones that need it. To show them they can survive divorce and make a new prosperous life for themselves. You\'ve come a long way in four short years.
4 years seems like so long to me right now. Next week seems impossible and thinking about giving birth in February to his child sounds like pure hell, but it\'s great to hear that some day I will be ok. I have to be I am going to be raising 3 small children on my own. The hopelessness is hard to get past. Thanks for the positive outlook.
At first, an hour was a very long reach to me. Even thinking ahead one more minute, having to live in this pain one more minute was too much. I know, I have been there I have no clue how I made it, really. I think a good way to put it, is your pain and emptiness is a big empty dump truck, and in order for it to stop, you gotta fill the whole thing up. Right now, you have just a few small bits of sand to work with. How the hell you gonna get it done with that? You start one grain of sand at a time. Just the ONE grain.
Look, I was sooo close to killing myself. Death was a better friend than pain to me. I was on the chair, noose around my next, and the cord fastened securely. All I had to do was kick the chair out and call it a day. I guess I was too chicken, maybe something stopped me. I don\'t know. All I know is I decided to wait just 10 seconds more. Then 10 more. I decided, what the hell, if I am gonna tthink about it, lets get down, take a seat and try a minute. I am still here today, but I wa so very close. I know everyone can make it, and learn to live again. For me, I am scarred for life, sorta like losing a leg or an arm. You learn to adjust and move on, but you know that limb is gone. It is that way for me I am happy and optimistic, but I rememeber that pain, I remember that pain......