more STRESSERS! %^$#(!@*^

did i mention that the past month was hellish?? well it had gotten worse over the past couple weeks.  good news is, Matthew isn't suicidal anymore. also we had our 1st couples counseling on the 19th (Oct). bad news is.... well it's a long list: the side effects of getting off cymbalta has been total HELL. my head has been pulsating, brain ZAPPING~~, eyes pulsating, vision quivering, body throbbing, head pain, light and sound pain, etc. of all and any med i ever had to get off of, this is by far THE WORST i've ever had it. this has been the worst physical and mind twisting torment EVER. i'm just now beginning to feel the withdrawals taper down just a wee bit. but there were days where i couldn't even sit up or even talk. that's how bad it had gotten.but it will continue to get better. Sonnie (my younger bro)....  where do i even begin?he has been showing traits of a mental illness that runs strong and hard on my dad's side of the family (my dad has it, grandpa had it, uncles have it, cousins have it) for some time now. -BUT-- recently, sonnie has become much worse. most of the worsening [i think] is contributed by his "new found church". they have been throwing so much fuel on the fire. and today, i just found out how bad it actually is and what nightmare lies ahead if we don't stop this NOW.a break down of the traits: 1>delusional thoughts that they are above the "physical laws" [physics] and try to prove all theories wrong. 2> thoughts that they are "chosen" by God to a higher calling above everyone else [ex: prophet of some kind]. 3> thoughts that they do NOT have to adhear to any standards. 4> tend to walk out on the family on some higher calling BS. Grandpa did this to us, my dad did it to us, some of my uncles have done it to their families.what i found out about the church: they have an "opostle" (sp?) from the philipines that has come here to the islands and brought teachings [has returned already]. what the teachings are: {basically} God provides everything if you prove to him you are worthy by "forsaking" money, "forsaking" food, and whatever else BABBLE they put in his head. Sonnie is planning to visit this opostle in the philipines THIS november TO LEARN TO BECOME LIKE HIM!!! he has no money to do it {but they have convinced him that God will give him money out of the sky}, he has had NO immunizations/shots, doesn't even have his passport ready, & the list goes on. NOT TO MENTION that there has been repeated typhoons hitting them! floods, disasters, deaths, and illnesses as a result from the flooding, and i DO NOT want him to get sick or bring an illness back here! they have convinced him that the end of the world is HERE NOW and he should take the oppertunity to fly to the Philipines before the world actually ends. forget that he has signed a 30 yr mortgage loan with me {last year} and forget eating or buying groceries, or whatever else any responsible humin being has do to. NOW i know why he was threatening to NOT buy groceries the other day (when it was his turn) and was threatening to NOT eat!!! it all makes sense now! OMG! these cultic people have lost their damn minds!!! they are fucking people's families over by teaching this shit!!! i don't need this after what grandpa and dad did to us so many times! GRRRRR i can't seem to get PEACE OF MIND AROUND HERE!!!!! it's one f#cked up problem after another!!!  Matthew and i are coming up with strageties to get sonnie admited to a hospital and treated for his "delusions", maybe put him on a med to help stablize him, at least do somehting to help him! maybe they can knock some common sense and REALITY back into him! we have talked to him about this matter before but this time he's just so far worse off. something has to be done before he completely alienates his self from the rest of the family like my dad did {who hasn't spoken to us in how many years, and haven't seen him in 13 yrs}.  this is just bad... sorry the news has been crazy lately... life has kind of been turned upsaide down here....thanks for being there. i need all the support and prayers i can get right now. you all rock!