More Problems!

Had a terrible time Jan and Feb.  Sinus and cough placed on antibiotics.  Was taking large perscription doses of Vit D.  Also Fosamax.  Only supposed to stay on it for four months to treat osteopenia.  Want to prevent osteoperosis!  Ended up with Gerd and severe constipation.  Also had to have a follow up ultra sound to watch ovarin cysts.  They have not been a problem.  What became a problem was after the overinflation of my bladder and some jabbing around my bladder has not been the same since.  I have been to primary MD who insisted that I take an antibiotic even though the urine sample was neg.  Then to the gynecologist because of the bladder thing and so much pressure I thought something was going to fall out!  He found nothing.  Yesterday to a urologist who shrugged his shoulders and told me to continue the IC diet I started on my own a month ago.  Just finished a very low dose Pred burst for Sj flare and that seemed to help it.  What to do what to do?  I had 3 good weeks in March even with the bladder thing.  I have been sick most of the time with "good days" here and there for the last two years with Sj.  Those three weeks were wonderful.  I woke up one morning and felt "released", Sj had let go.  Then wam right back again.  I feel defeated and even though I would not do myself in I somedays long for death.  I feel like I am alone.  My poor family does not know what to do with me.  I am not invited places because friends know I won't be able to keep up.  I don't like it when people ask me how I am because if I am honest it will be a negative most of the time.  I just say "hanging in" or something like that.  I am sick of myself.   My faith in the Lord is shaken and I am ashamed of myself for that.  He has been so good to me and blessed me through the years.  What crying baby I am.